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It's Official: I pulled an all nighter, and "My Son"

Added: Saturday, November 24th 2012 at 1:52am by whereabouts
Category: About Me > About Me > Family
 
 
 

I didn't get much sleep the night before either.  Ugh.  Well, it is 4:25 AM and I've been up all night researching and searching.  I'm going to make some coffee now.  It is way past time to go to bed.  I wonder how long I will make it today?

Thank God I don't have to drive the King to school today either!  Oh, yeah, the King returned home yesterday about 4:00 PM.  We haven't spoken a word to each other.  He went directly to his cave, then shortly after he went into his bedroom and he's been there ever since.

What day is it again?  Oh, yeah, right, it is Saturday.

I came across this article I wrote in October 2006, 5 days before my son's 16th birthday.

--------------------------------------------------
My Son

Added: Friday, October 20th 2006 at 7:55am by whereabouts
Related Tags: events , life

 

 

Yesterday, my cell phone crashed. Ugh. Because I use my cell phone extensively for business, losing my 270+ phone numbers was a big deal and I spent the morning in a “why me” state, (pathetic as it sounds).

My son is one of those kids that goes through cell phones the way you would go through a pack of gum. The last occurrence, I found his cell phone in the driveway on a rainy day and it was no longer usable because of the water damage. After that, which was about his 9th phone, I said I wasn’t buying him another phone and if he wanted one, he’d have to pay for it himself. That was more than 6 months ago but not quite a year ago. Anyway, yesterday I got him a new phone when I went in to get mine. I couldn’t resist – I’m such a sap.

My son, even at 16, still wants mom to participate in every school function possible. Yesterday there was a big spaghetti dinner for the football players – today is their last game of the season and it’s at home – and my son wanted me to help serve the boys (oh, yippee for me)! Well, I brought the phone with me and surprised him with it at the dinner. He was pleased, I could tell. All his buddies were passing it around looking at it, taking pictures, you know, that teenage kid stuff. I thought I’d join in on the phone initiation ceremony so I took a picture of the kids and sent it to my son’s new phone. He was playing cool and said it was a retarded picture but I could tell he was happy that I was participating. He kept calling me over to their table to ask me dumb questions – he just wanted to show off his mom. Awww…

Well, this morning, after the bus picks him up, I sent him a text message just saying, “Hey!” I knew he would be excited about his new phone and would want a reason to use it in front of the other kids on the bus (you remember what that was like, right?). He responds back asking me to do something for him. We text back and forth for a little while, then he asks me to send him a text message after I do what he asked me to do (call the driving school and schedule an appointment for him to drive on Saturday) so he can feel important when he gets a text message during lunch at school. I said “okey doke,” because I remember what it was like at that age and the “cool” factor that is so important to them. [SMILE]

I’m a single mother – been divorced for 6 years now – and my son and I have always been very close. We went through a nightmare period about two years ago but that’s a part of that age group which is the 14-year-old-aliens-abducted-my-child stage! I wanted to STRANGLE him at that time and my X simply made it worse by trying to teach my son to not listen to his mother (IDIOT!). Anyway, now my son is maturing and I’m beginning to get my sweet kid back once again and it is such a relief. I thought for sure that I lost him to the nasty side of my X and it was the most disturbing thought ever.

So, to all you wonderful parents out there who have yet to lose your sweet children to the strife of the “monster pod – it’s not my kid” stage, BEWARE of the gremlin abductions. But more importantly, just when you are thinking they are the most disgusting, repulsive, ignorant little *&%$#!…remember that they come back! They come back! That sweet, gentle and angelic side finds its way back home. [HEART]

Ha! He just sent me a text message asking if I called the driving school yet! I guess I better call the driving school. TTFN!

User Comments

I do hope you get some sleep soon.

Some of his behaviors then you can attribute to being 16 but that's a lot of phones to go through and not seem to be fussed about. I hope he gets his head completely together and soon. Before it becomes entrenched behavior.

Still, it's an interesting retrospective.

Thanks.  One sleepless night is not a big deal.  I do this about once a year.  I'm very high energy, so it's all good.

His behaviors are becoming entrenched and it is a constant struggle to get him to see the light of day.  The influence is so overwhelming.  And, it's polar to my influence, therein creating lots of confusion within for him.

Yes, he is dangerously careless and coupled with his illogical arrogance, he's a mess inside.  I see what happened to him, I watched it happen.  It is why I divorced my ex but I waited too long, and I didn't do enough to prevent it from happening.  I should have made changes much sooner.  I should have never allowed my ex to have so much control over him and push him into baseball the way he did.  He destroyed him.  There is so much to all this.

I made a lot of mistakes, too.  I was weak when I should have been strong.  I was strong when I should have been gentle.

I allowed it to happen, which was me being weak as well as ignorant and not realizing all the options I had, and not realizing what I could accomplish on my own even though everything I had accomplished prior was pretty much done on my own.  I was taught to believe I had far less worth than what is true.  I was taught to be someone I'm not and I was very weak because of it.

I filed an order of protection against my ex shortly after our divorce because he nearly beat down my front door, damaging it beyond cosmetic repairs, and did so because I grounded the King for disrespecting me and wouldn't allow him to go to baseball.  He bullied his way in to get his way, emotionally traumatizing not only me but my 9 year old son while simultaneously teaching him that it doesn't matter what I say, only what he says.  He not only taught my son through his own actions to not listen to me, he actually verbally told him, instilled it in him, that he doesn't have to listen to his mother, that I am nuts.  He HATES me because I divorced him.  He is the definition of absolute denial.  He cannot ever admit what he did wrong, even if it were to save his own life. We all learn what we live.  My son has learned through his father's actions how to be an emotional bully, a severely selfish one at that, and self destructive to boot because it defies his innate character.  It has all been learned.

The kid's head is spinning from the chaotic existence.  You have NO IDEA how chaotic the inside of my ex's head is.  He screams at me all the time when he doesn't agree with me (which is most times) and doesn't even realize it, yet goes around telling others that is what I do!  I've never seen greater denial than his.  He's not a "bad" person, just an extremely ignorant one leading him to do some pretty rotten things because of his ignorance.

I indicated previously that I grew up around mountains of ignorance, and I did; I was the black sheep of the family.  I still am.  My ex gets along great with my family, most of them anyway.  You cannot ever imagine how many additional problems with my son have been created because of that, too.  There's a very long story to all that but I would need to write a novel in order to tell it all.  There are very few people who actually know the whole tale, and those that do (2 people outside my family), are beside themselves that I experienced what I experienced because of it.  One of the two called it "unconscionable".  The other said they could never imagine that happening, it is so horrible it's nearly unbelievable, but it's true.

So, while the King may come across the screen as a complete pig and an ass (which he is), it's just not that simple.  I currently do not have the resources to do more to help fix him; I have to work with what I have, and I do, it's just that whenever I begin to make progress, the monster rears it's ugly head.  The monster is my ex.  I think he can sense when the King is getting close to me and he unconsciously has to create a situation to sabotage that, to instill his power and control once again.

Looks like I began to write that novel.  lol  Sorry for the extremely long reply.

That's OK. I'm sitting here sipping my coffee as I read.

From the sounds of it, your ex is a good person to stay away from. I can well understand how confusing it was for your son. He had to have mixed feelings about the divorce and probably was angry with you, even though it sounds like his father bullied him and could be as bad with him as with you. But that is what he knew; good or bad, it was his family and when it got broken up, he felt things were completely out of control.

Your son is old enough you aren't going to be able to protect him from himself. You have done what you can to get him pointed. I'm hoping that going off to college, putting more physical distance between him and your ex, will do him a world of good, if he can maintain his balance. I hope so.

You remind me of a disgraceful display of parental thoughtlessness at my daughter's Kindergarden graduation ceremony. One of the boys got struck with severe stage fright and wouldn't get up with the rest of the class and recite his few lines - I've long since forgotten what they were about, but I will never forget this boy's father.

You would think he would've been supportive and comforting, but not this "giant of a man." No sir, not him. He was verbally abusive, calling his son a big baby - a "girl" even, as if that was the ultimate insult. The boy's mother was trying to help, but she was not doing anything to stop the abuse by the father, who went so far as to refuse to sit with the family staring glumly at everyone from a distant corner. And all the while this poor kid was standing there blubbering and sniffling. I felt soo bad for the boy. I wanted to give him a big hug and tell him it was OK to be afraid. And I wanted to take the father out back and shoot him.

Awwww ... poor kid.  A bullet would do that animal some good.  My ex wasn't like that.

Now, I hear that and I think, "What is wrong with the mother? Who would allow that?!"  I was never that weak.

My guess was that he was a chronic bully...possibly even abusive. I wondered if she was afraid of him.

Oh, and my son wasn't too damaged by the divorce.  I talked to my son about the divorce long before I ever filed.  I didn't spring anything on him.  We were very close and when the King was young, he was quite wise, beyond his years wise.  The serious damage came later, associated with baseball and my ex.

How did that happen? If I'm being too nosy, don't answer. I'm curious is all.

She probably was, I would gather.  I know the momma grizzly in me would NEVER permit my child to be treated that way no matter who it was.

Kyle had a teacher who was terrible to him and she talked down to him all the time, once right in front of me while in a private meeting with her, and Kyle, about things.  When she treated him with such ignorance, practically snarling at him, I ripped into her right in front of Kyle.  Kyle was only 9 years old.  After I told her to not ever talk to my son that way, I turned to Kyle and right in front of her I said, "Kyle, don't listen to that.  She is wrong."  Then we promptly left.

I wanted to rip of her face and suck out her eyeballs.

How did what happen, talking to him about the divorce or baseball and the ex causing the serious damage?

I was wondering about the baseball and how that all happened.

My ex pushed my son into baseball at a very young age.  He drilled it into his head that he was going to be a professional baseball player.  Seriously.  My ex believed you could "program" a kid to be whatever you desired them to be.  Ignorance is pervasive and defeats ones own intelligence.  I thought he was freaking nuts!  I knew he was freaking nuts about that.

My ex was also his baseball coach during his younger years (and basketball coach). They spent and excessive amount of time together, without me present, beginning at 7 years old.  And, that is when the King first began to treat me poorly.  Prior to that, he was an angel and was so kind to me, so caring and so very thoughtful.  I was so proud of him.

I'll never forget the first time Kyle talked bad to me.  I will never forget that day for as long as I live.  I was devastated, and he looked to his father for approval after speaking to me like that, which further devastated me.  I cannot begin to explain how painful that moment was for me.  In that moment, when he was 7 years old, I knew I had to get him away from his father's influence.

My ex acted like an IDIOT while at baseball.  This was children playing a game and he's screaming and yelling and ranting and raving, just full of RAGE, like some flippin lunatic professional baseball coach who doesn't have an ounce of emotional intelligence and zero self control.  My son, because of the powerful influence of not only his father but his coach acting like this, began to act like that as well.

There was another dad who also got sucked into the negative ridiculousness being displayed at these children's baseball games, and he was a cop.  He did something stupid because another dad, who was the umpire, made a bad call, and some serious anger was displayed between all of them, a massive conflict, like those stupid housewives shows but with a bunch of ignorant fathers.  The umpire dad called the cop dad's superior officer and placed a complaint and the cop dad he lost a promotion because of it.  All those morons got got sucked into the anger vacuum that the lead moron had plugged in and running full speed.  How soon some people forget , and that is a facetious remark in "code" as it is meant for a specific individual if and when they ever read this.

I was not at that game when all that bloated nonsense happened (thank God) but I heard about it from one of the mothers.

I couldn't even go to the baseball games because I couldn't stand watching my son turn from my sweet, innocent child, into a raving lunatic.  After the divorce, the father that lost the promotion (he learned the hard way but at least he learned, all things happen for a reason , lol, had to throw that in there) witnessed first hand my son's ludicrous anger behavior after the kid either stuck out or was thrown out at first, wherein the King threw his bat and acted like an absolute idiot, mimicking his coach and father.  This of course, came shortly after I had discussed my concerns with his wife who was my friend and she relayed that to him.  It was a good lesson for him but my ex never got a clue.

My ex taught my son that nothing was more important than baseball.  He told my son he didn't have to follow my rules and he didn't have to do anything I said.  When the King was 16 and I wanted him to get a job because he so severely needed it, my ex told him as long as he's playing baseball, he doesn't have to work.  My son believed with his whole heart and soul that he was going to be a professional baseball player because that is what his father drilled into his head since he was little.

When push came to shove in my son's junior year in high school, when he was 17, during winter break, when all the kids who are seeking college baseball recruits go to Florida and it is a must if you want to play college ball, when I didn't have the resources to send him, my ex refused to pay for it and chose, instead, to go to Vegas for the Super Bowl and gamble.

The King's entire life, his entire existence, came crashing down in one fell swoop.  it destroyed his person.  My son died then, and he hasn't yet recovered from it, and because I was financially in the terrible place that I was, I've taken all the blame for it.  Kyle has never been the same since that happened.  Nothing but anger, more and more anger followed.

I understand the process well.  First there is the trauma.  Then there is shock.  Then grief.  Then comes the anger within the grief.  After the anger subsides over time, and the grief fades, then introspection comes into play.  Once a person gets through that, then there is forgiveness.  Then the admission of wrong comes, finally.  Then the healing process is complete, and lessons are learned.

My son is still in the anger stage.  He, too, is struggling with extreme grief that is deeply embedded in his anger.

That is a rotten thing to do to the kid, first of all to build up the expectation, but then to refuse even to give him a chance to show what he could do...that's pretty disgusting. It's not impossible even now for Kyle to play at the college level. It will be uphill, but if he really wants to he should try. The anger has to go or it won't be helpful. It will be revisiting old pains.

I'll never understand the allure of gambling. I hate losing even one penny that way. Yet I can easily drop $100-200 in a book store...I know...I've done it.

Agreed, and agreed, and agreed.

I've never understood the draw to gambling either.  I don't like it at all.  I'd rather buy a new pair of boots or a purse or some books, like you said, something tangible to show for it.

He spends thousands gambling, not hundreds, which is why the kid didn't get to go to baseball because he didn't have enough at the time for both.  Prior to that, I made very good money and Kyle had the best of everything, and I paid for it all without asking him for anything.  When my financial situation became bleak, Kyle suffered tremendously because when push comes to shove, dad chooses to do for dad first.  Mom is the polar opposite and also does for herself last.

I'm trying to learn how to do for myself first but I don't think I'll ever succeed at that.

Thousands of dollars in gambling losses...that would drive me insane. I bet the cassinos just love to see your ex showing up on their doorstep.

You should definitely learn to protect yourself. I don't know if that necissarily means always putting yoursef first so much as it means telling other people, NO. There may be a subtle difference.

necessarily...don't know how that 'i' got in there.

...and yourself...with an 'l' lol...sheesh sometimes I astound myself with my typing skills.

How many hands do you have there on that keyboard, bryce?  LOL

Well, believe you me, I've learned.  I'm in the stage of recovering from all that learning.  lol.  I am definitely moving foward, just s-l-o-w-l-y, but I'll pick up the pace soon enough as things get rolling.

Two...and still I'm a terrible typist...to attempt it one-handed? forget it. I would go completely quiet.

Well, you are learning and moving in the right (OK...only?) direction. 

LOL.  Look at that twang of sarcastic humor in there! haha.  I love it.

You're the one who questioned the number of hands I had on the keyboard. lol

hahahaha, it's your mind that's in the gutter!  I was hinting that maybe you had three or four hands on the keyboard and too many cooks in the kitchen.  I wasn't alluding to your being preoccupied giving yourself a handshake to type fluently.  LOL!

What was that you were saying about learning how to protect myself by saying "No".  LOL

I'm just messing with you, bryce. {#basic-wink.gif}   Plus, I think I'm a little slap happy from getting too much sleep.  Er, not enough sleep!

Uh huh. lol

I can imagine you may be a tad tired. The normal circadian rhythm kicks in and you feel awake even though you haven't slept.

I was rubbing my eyes a short while ago but your comment woke me up!  LOL

Well, at least I'm good for something. I can be an alarm clock if nothing else. lol

Still awake? I've been offline for the past few hours.

I took a cat nap though I didn't sleep very much but enough.  Before I decided to take a nap, I tried to get some work done but I was simply too tired.

You went from alarm clock to lullaby.  Rock-a bye-baby ... Who would rock a baby on the top of a tree? lol

Good question. I don't know the particulars of Rock-a-bye-baby, but many of the original Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes were satirical doggerel. Should check the Annotated Mother Goose to see if there is a reason for baby to be in a tree top.

LOL!

Is that from the Annotated Mother Goose? Or just the picture. I have a copy of the Annoated Mother Goose around somewhere. Not sure I can lay my finger on it right away. Or maybe I can get it through Questia. Never tried before.

I'm not sure.  I just grabberd a google image.   Here's the book:

[item image]

And here's the link to it: http://archive.org/details/annotatedmotherg00bari

Thank you! I hadn't thought to look for it there.

You're welcome. {#basic-smile.gif}

<--- getting tired.

I wonder why? Think maybe you should sleep?

I will later.  I'll just retire early and veg out by watching some boob tube. Sure wish I had some Hazelnut flavored coffee right now!

I'd offer you some, but by the time it arrived in IL it would be pretty cold.

lol, yeah, I'm sure it would!  What state are you from?

NJ...about a 2 day drive...at least.

I was told a long time ago, back in 2003ish, that I would move, leave my son behind, and live on the northeast coast.  What?!?!  I want to go where it is warm.  I'm deep into the cold north of the country already, why would I go even further north?  Now, however, I have since learned.  Things do happen for a reason. 

We'll tacke that subject soon, I hope.  I think it would be a great topic to discuss especially given your perspective on it verses mine.  Much will be learned in that discussion!

Though they said I would be going to the New York area.

lol...I'm a 45 minute bus-ride from NYC. I'd have to check for certain, but I think IL is farther north than NJ. You would be closer to Kyle than you'd be from IL. You can drive to Williamsburg in less than a day from here. Who told you you would do all that? Premonition?

Well, by NY area you mean NYC or upstate? NY is a big state.

I'm thinking the NYC but I'm not 100% positive.  I see Boston in my future, too, at least a connection to Boston.  I've been picking that up for a few years now.

Yes, spirit communication indicated that about 10 years ago.

Yeah, they also showed that it would coincide with Kyle moving. ha.  I forgot about that.

Yeah, I just checked, you're a a few degrees more south than where I am now.

Yeah, I sound like a damn Yankee! lol

Hmm. My parents grew up in Boston. I still have family there, plus I lived and worked there for ten years. Surely, I am not the only person you know with connections to Boston. (I know, I know..."Don't call me Shirely.")

haha! I love that stupid movie!  Funny, funny, funny!

I have a clue on the Boston connection but it's always multi-faceted and means multiple things at the same time.  It is (father<--who typed that?) fascinating how complex it is yet simultaneously so simple.  That level of communication never ceases to amaze me.

Surely, you don't look like Shirley, right?

Not unless Shirley is bald and extremely flat-chested...

LOL!  She sounds like a decomposition experiment.

So, are you bald because your hair off and left you, or are you bald because much of your hair left you and you chose to shave the rest of it off, or are you partially bald clingin to what's left? 

I think we touched base before on this bald aspect.  You mentioned something about a ponytail if you let the rest of it grow, right?

The hair on top decided to get so thin as to be non-existent. I used to do the comb-over thing from the side but decided after awhile it was stupid, so I trimmed the sides to normal length and shave the top as needed to keep the stubble down.

I've always been flat-chested, though.

Getting rid of the comb over was a really good idea!  I'll never understand why men are so obsessed about their hair and their lack of it as they get older.  Bald is very attractive on many men.  Bald is a HECK OF A LOT more attractive than a comb over any day!

Bald is cool.  Don't sweat it.

It is an easy thing to fall into, the comb-over thing, and gives you the illusion of hair on top...until the wind blows it off and it is obvious that there is nothing there, which just looks foolish.

I'm not sweating the baldness. I won't wear a toupee. That's the way it is.

I was getting a second wind and then I ate something and now I feel like a baby who wants a bottle and to be rocked to sleep.  Lullabye (don't put me in a tree) ...

If I sang, you'd wake up again. lol

You should sleep. You were up all night. I'm surprised you haven't fallen asleep already. 

Sleep well.

LOL, so you're defintiely not a rock star!

I just grabbed a carrot to give Tiki, and I'm eating the other half.  That woke me up.  I'm not too sure how long that will last though.  I did just grab the remote and thought about turning on the TV.  I DVR'd a BIO program on the Long Island Serial Killer (LISK) and twice I fell asleep while watching it. So, I'd like to finish watchign that, at the very least.

Just finished my carrot and now I'm wide awake for the moment.

I'm a singer.  When I was a kid, I used to sing the dog to sleep.  He loved it.  It was quite cute. 

When my son was very little, he used to say to me all the time, "Sing the momma song".  And I always did.

I can't read anymore.  I'm headed to watch that BIO program.  Hope you have a great evening, Bob (it is Bob, correct?).  I will catch you later, gaitor!

G'night.

I predict that wakefulness won't last too long.

I had an OK voice when I was singing every day in high school chorus. It was not solo-quality, but I could read music and sing the right not provided it was within my range...which was limited. Now my singing voice is crap.

What is "the momma song"?

Bob is correct.

Helen Reddy's "Keep on Singing" .  It starts out "I don't remember mamma, she died when I was born ..."  So, he called it "the momma song" when he was only a year old and a half years old.

I predict that I will see the back of my eyelids long before I see the remainder of that program!

Oh, boy, a year and a half old. <--- one handed!   LOL

LOL...Good night.

my kids are long grown now and ya surprise I survived...we do somehow..but trust me it's not all what they learn outside themselves..I've seen with 3 it is very much how they as individuals process thought. So don't put so much of this on you cause the greater part I came to realize was the person they are to begin with and how they process info. to create the emotions they react to...

 

Thank you and I do agree with you and that plays a significant role, but I also know that so did I, and so did his father.  Like soup, there's lots that go into the pot.  :)

Thanks again for your comment. {#basic-smile.gif}

Wow.... no wonder the kid is a mess. you sure have your hands full.

turftoe331 on Saturday November 24th 2012 at 5:44am • LinkReplyDelete

You have NO IDEA! {#basic-ohsnap.gif}

definitely an  interesting `then and now` perspective. also `then leading to now` hang in there.

Thank you.  I'm hanging, (by my fingertips)!

better by your fingertips than by your neck, kid{#basic-cool.gif}

I'll drink to that!{#drinking33.gif}

Sends my friend this gift : ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

 

Exactly!!!!!  Thanks!{#sleep19.gif}

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