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Ass Backwards?
ASS BACKWARDS?
Started thinking about a few things that would make more sense if they were turned around a bit.
Such as:
BRIDAL VEILS:
Why does the bride wear one? It would make much more sense if the groom did. Think about it. A wedding is a female production from start to finish. The groom is usually reduced to sitting at the side in a state of shock, like a deer caught in the headlights. The bride wants to enjoy and take in every last detail of the wedding. The groom, on the other hand, is just hoping that it’s over soon and there’s some cold beer at the reception. A veil would just make his task just a little bit easier.
AGING:
We should really age in reverse. You would gradually go from fully dependant to independant, hopefully slowly picking up knowledge. Hormones would be at a minimum, and your body would limit you on the amount of stupid things you could do. After 20 or 30 years, you’d start to have the maturity to know how to use your increasing physical abilities. Then at the end, you’d have a short and swift descent to ashes and dust.
DRIVERS LICENSES:
Why do we only require licenses for those behind the wheel? What we really need is a license program for backseat drivers. There are millions of them out there, and most have absolutely no training and thus do a horrible job. A well placed suggestion can make a world of difference for the driver, whereas the usual 237 suggestions barked out in rapid succession inevitably causes more accidents and increases the risk of the driver committing a homicide in the vehicle.
WOMENS BICYCLES:
I’m sure that mens and womens bicycles were designed by someone who hated men. For men, we put a bar along the top, commonly known as a “nut crusher”. You slip, or fall a bit, and the family jewels are smashed to smithereens as you writhe in agony on the pavement. Definitely ass backwards, we need to have no bars on mens, and put the bars on the womens bikes.
BIRTHDAY CANDLES:
Why do we put fire hazards on top of our food, then ask some poor individual to try and blow them out? They usually don’t get easily blown out, and in the multiple attempts, the blower inevitably deposits a few raindrops of saliva on the cake. Which you will be eating shortly. Bad hygiene at its finest. We should keep the cake pristine and clean, ready to eat. Strap those candles to the head of the birthday boy / girl, and give each guest a cup of water. The first guest to put out the candles gets the first piece of cake.
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User Comments
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Nota - Hmmm, didn't think about the fear. Now that super glue is a great idea. Can use it on the lips of the offender, or glue them to the back seat. I like it! |
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Bull...the veil is there to hide the "gotcha" grin. |
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BFD - And I used to think that's where she'd hide the handcuffs...... |
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and the buck teeth and mustache... |
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HA!!! LOVE all the ideas....brilliant!! Still laughing at the birthday candles suggestion!! That definitely gets my vote! |
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MM - Great.........Now when's your birthday, again?..... |
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birthday? didn't i mention i don't have them anymore? but i do attend others birthday parties and taking your idea with me....... |
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The Bridal Veil and Drivers License were definitely food for thought |
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rant - That's why I'm here, to broaden your horizons..... |
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Margar3t - |
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You have way too much time on your hands!! Regarding 'AGING:' I have always felt you shouldn't have to work until you are 65--until then either your parents pay you to stay away or you collect Social Security--at 65 you get a job and work until you drop--hey, you had your fun!
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GM - I don't pay much attention to what you say. After all, you're already 19 and you still are hanging around with friends but no job. Just when are you going to grow up?.... |
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Hey my friend Peter Pan and I are too busy flying with the fairies!!! You did notice I didn't say ANYTHING about the title of your blog |
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GM - I didn't even notice about that title. You know, we're gonna hafta give you a Good Citizen award pretty soon if you keep this up. |
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It's always up! |
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Don't you mean back assward? |
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HofW - No, I meant sdrawkcabssa, it's an old russian phrase. Musta been a typo. |
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Gave me some serious dain bramage. I was thinking too hard on them. :O |
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lucius - Let this be a lesson to you. Never think to hard on anything. Thanks for stopping by. |
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What we really need is a license program for backseat drivers. hahahahahaahahahahahahahahahah |
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rica - I take it you know some people that should be first in line when they start taking applications? |
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That's so true, all of them skinny. Your a great thinker:) |
Okie - I really like that rolling head icon. Nicely done. |
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I think the lack of a top bar was to accommodate girls/women in skirts or dresses. Of course, most people rarely if ever wear dresses anymore. When I was in school all us girls wore dresses. If it was really cold, we might wear slacks underneath...but we always had on a dress or skirt. Go to any public school now and see how many you can spot. Very few. In fact, in those days, most women wore dresses most of the time. Even around the house when they were just cleaning or whatever. Nowadays, few women wear them unless they have a professional office job, or sales, or for church and special occasions. Back in my day, women would never consider showing up at church in pants. It just wasn't done. But in most modern churches you'll see more ladies in pants, even blue jeans, than in skirts. Oh well. What can I say? I'm old and I've seen everything...lol! |
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Mama - You are right about accomodating the dresses......or at least that's what the history books show. I couldn't find the part about the designer putting hash marks up on the wall everytime a man screamed out in pain..... By the way, that is lovely picture. I assume that was taken last fall in the woods behind your place? You should wear that dress more often, it looks good. |
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Thanks skinny...it's one of my favorites...lol |
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Great ideas skinny. I am sure most of them are 'doable' - especially the veil thing. |
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Fangio - If I'd have thought of this about 8 months sooner, you could have been the first to try it out. |
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Still would not have neede a veil. (How's that for creeping?) |
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Having ponder these myself, I agree and thanks for letting me know I'm not alone. |
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Ana - You're never alone. We're always with you. Some of us are hiding in the closet, some are under the bed, and a few are out back behind the bushes.... |
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Oh good so those 'voices' I hear and 'people' I see are REAL! Phew! Thank goodn-ness. |
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Say what? You mean I'm not aging backwards then why am I buying toy trucks, books about Bears that Snore, and dinosaurs? |
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Hershey - I don't know. Did your friends tell you that you should start dating younger men, and you got a little carried away?..... |
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I've always wondered about the men/women's bicycles. I've never been much of a rider since I was young, but I think they make men and women's things a wee bit different so they can charge women a ton more for basically the same thing. I've actually gone into men's department in stores to buy tshirts and when I was younger - even jeans. I got them at about half the price as in the women's department!! |
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Cats - For clothes, the best prices are definitely out of the women's dept. My wife sometimes shops in kids/teens department and finds something half the price of the adult version. Most guys don't feel like spending much money on clothes, as you probably noticed. Now, if it was beer, cars, or electronics, then that would be a whole different story...lol... |
LOL! on the candles!
Just leave the top bar off the bikes. It hurts us women too!
The car...good idea or just use super glue!
The veil is to hide the pure fear in the poor girl's eyes.