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Well! I wrote a great post about my daughter and now I'm going to write one not so good about my son.
Why are boys so difficult?
He has been giving me a hard time, he doesn't want to follow the rules and he's been yelling and trying to give me orders. I have been crazy here!
I try to be calm, to explain why he needs to follow the rules and say that I do all that, so he can be a good citizen and because I love him.... but he needs more time to learn....
Yesterday was a tough day, he yelled at me, got angry, I gave him red stickers, grounded him and then when I saw I was absolutely out of control I ignored him for about 20 minutes, went into the kitchen, closed the door, started doing the dishes and tried to calm down a little. After that, I sat down with him, talked to him for a while, cried with him and when he said he wanted his dad back in this house, I understood it all...
I told him that it was not his fault, that nothing he can do will change the situation, that I love him and he can live with his dad if he wants to, that he is a good boy and I love him and I know he can follow the rules and be respectful, etc.
He cried a lot, I cried too...
I think things are going to be better now since he was able to tell me what was in his head, however, a part of me didn't want him to suffer. I know I am easy on him at times because he is suffering and I also know I can't be easy on him because he needs to learn.
I try my best to be understanding, but sometimes he makes me so angry!!!
I can't help comparing my two kids and thinking that maybe this is a boy's thing: trying to take over his mom and trying to rule the house because a dad isn't here; or maybe it is a first born's thing: the fighter, the rebel, the one who gives orders. I don't know why he's like that, and I just wish I can figure out before I have a nervous breakdown or before I lose my patience with him.
Kids are lessons, we have to learn and pass this test. It is easier to give them what they want, however, that's not what I want right now! I want them to learn to be good people, respectful, educated, polite, etc.... that's hard job!
Let's just hope for the best for him...I'll try to find him and also me a therapyst though....
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hopefully...thanks! |
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He's a kid--he's a boy--he 'lost' his father--he is not being tretaed as 'the man' of the house as he thinks he is now--I wish I could tell you it would get easier but it won't--he's a boy. |
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thanks anyway... I just hope I can be strong and wise enough to help him through this and later on in his life... |
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Both he and society are benefitting from your smart parenting and your willingness to use tough-love; so many don't know how to parent properly. |
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So many don't know how to parent properly.,..how to truly cherish their children. |
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Am I cherishing him? I hope so! I really want to help him get better and also make my life easier, but I guess the later will never happen right? problems just becom bigger and harder |
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"I really want to help him get better and also make my life easier, but I guess the later will never happen right?" Depends on a lot of things. Could go either way. If he is thoroughly bonded with his father he may become very much like him. But, again, that depends on a lot of things, too. You know your situation, and I think I sense a concern from you about your boy not being amenable/tractable to some of your parenting. I am not advising you, but if it were me in your shoes I might try to find a very canny therapist who specializes in child-parent relationships...and I would get references and thoroughly check former clients before I would start with anyone. |
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Parents could learn a lot about how their children might respond to the things of life by getting themselves grounded in the Myers-Briggs Personalty Type Inventory. In fact such an education could help anyone make sense of the apparent insanity of people...people in government, people in business, people in friendships, people in marriages, people in all the various professions, and etc., and etc.; people! Myers-Briggs have identified 32 person types, 16 for men, 16 for women, and they and others have then thoroughly described each of these types. There are even free inventories and personality/character descriptions available on-line which are very useful, and some which cost ~$25 and up. It is possible for an objective person to answer one of these type inventories (MBTI) inventories for, say, a child, if they know the person really well. That is, fill out the answers to the questions of an online "Type Inventory" as if you were the other person, a person who is well-known to you. Then read the synopsis and whatever else you can about the personality 'type' which is produced by the questionnaire. Such information can help a smart person understand how to 'deal' with another person....child, friend, business acquaintance, marriage partner. We could talk more about such things via PM. |
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thank u, u have been an angel... |
You being able to get him to communicate what was going on, eventually, was a good thing for both of you. Hopefully he will learn that you will listen to him, and help him.