Welcome to Blogster!
1,488,163 Blogster Users  |  364,642 Posts
 
 
 

robertflynn

 

Blog Traffic: 173895

Posts: 147

My Comments: 99

User Comments: 284

Photos: 0

Friends: 20

Following: 0

Followers: 6

Points: 2509

Last Online: 1057 days ago


 
 

Visitors

No Recent Visitors
 

Singing Soprano in the Cowgirl Church of God

Added: Wednesday, October 1st 2008 at 8:01am by robertflynn
Related Tags: humor, entertainment
 
 
 

 

Billy “Tex” Bob Thornwall had only two ambitions in life: being a cowboy and singing Gospel songs.  He had accomplished his first ambition winning top honors in bareback and saddle bronc riding when sixteen.  Gospel singing was tougher because Billy “Tex” Bob’s voice was stuck in Vienna Boys Choir.  Billy “Tex” prayed earnestly that God would give him a voice with cockleburs in it.

One day working on his roping skills he chased after a wild steer on a greenbroke horse.  Billy “Tex” Bob stood in the stirrups his lasso swinging over his head and when he threw his loop his untrained horse spied the rope passing over its head and came to an abrupt conclusion.  Billy “Tex” did not.  The saddle horn took the seat of Billy “Tex” Bob’s jeans and his parts with it.

Billy “Tex’s” life changed.  And not for the better.  No one wanted him on their bulldogging team or in their chawing circle.  He was shunned in pool halls and domino parlors.  “Go play hopscotch with the girls,” cowboys laughed.  “Join a sewing circle,” they hooted.  No one wanted to hear him sing “Empty Saddles in the Old Corral.” “Sing Bringing in the Sheep,” they chortled.  “Shearing on the Old Camp Ground.”

Billy “Tex” Bob prayed for the reconstruction of his pride of Solomon.  God had other plans, including the Cowboy Church with clapboard walls, plank floor, a cross made of fence posts and barbed wire, with hardwood benches and funeral parlor pasteboard fans.  The communion cup was tin and the bread was sourdough bullets.  The preacher wore spurs; his Bible wore a brand.  Cowboys used their Stetsons to round up the offering, sometimes passing them again if the stray bills and dogie coins didn’t add up to a full herd.  In his hour of despair the Lord led Billy “Tex” Bob to the Cowboy Church.  Where he was denied entrance for lacking cowboy characteristics.  

When the cowboys came out of church Billy “Tex” showed them roping tricks and lassoed car antenna, rearview mirrors and roguish boys.  “Hmmm,” Arizona said, scratching a saddle burn and spitting at a red ant.  “He’s got sand.”

“He’s got spirit, too,” Dumas said, switching his wad to the other side and smiting the ant that Arizona had missed.  

The other hands allowed he wasn’t no cowboy but he could be a Christian roper.

The following Sunday Billy “Tex” entered the church with special dispensation but there was disputation when he tried to join the Ranchhand’s Sunday School Class.  He was pushed into the Gingham for God Class and was not allowed to sing in the choir.  But when they sang “When they ring those golden bells” Billy “Tex” Bob’s voice rang clear and true and high.  Way high.  Those around him stopped singing.  The choir stopped singing.  The piano stopped playing and the fiddle, the washboard, the washtub bass, the musical saw, the guitar, the mouth organ, the squeeze box until all that was heard was dogs howling and the church-glass-shattering voice of Billy “Tex” Bob nearly high as heaven is above the earth.  

And when he finished, the whole congregation shouted with one voice, “There ain’t no saddlehorn sopranos in the Cowboy Church.”

Billy “Tex” Bob prayed the Cowboy Church would have a change of heart; instead, God turned Billy “Tex’s” heart.  Billy “Tex” met Broomhilda Factorymacker who was raised by her father with no companions but jackasses.  When Broomhilda brayed bass and Billy “Tex” trilled soprano on “Ghost Riders in the Sky,” it led to a camp meeting, tent revival, rededications, baptisms, marriage and the Cowgirl Church of God.  Where the pastor wore leather saddle skirts and carried a pink Bible with a lace trim.  Billy “Tex” Bob roped dollar bills out of the cowgirls’ hands.  

“A cowgirl church is like an Islamic honky-tonk,” the cowboys said.  Few stepped inside but they took a chaw break so that they could stand outside and listen to the special music at the Cowgirl Church of God.  And it is rumored that when Broomhilda rode bass and Billy “Tex” rode soprano and they rounded up “When they ring those golden bells,” some of the cowboys held hands.  Most often with cowgirls.   

User Comments

fake watches

swiss replica watches

replicas watches

watches fake

watch fake

replica

replica swiss

swiss replica watch

swiss replica

swiss watches

watch replica

fake replica watches

fake watch

watches replica

swiss replicas

replica watch

replicas swiss

swiss watch

watches replicas

 

panerai luminor

replicas watch

luminor panerai

panerai replica

replica watch paypal

swiss watch replicas

patek philippe replica

u boat watches

replica tissot

replica patek philippe

replica swiss watches

replica watches swiss

is replicas

panerai

panerai replica watches

replica watches paypal

replica panerai

panerai luminor daylight

replica iwc

bell ross

panerai daylight

watches swiss

replica bell ross

u-boat watches

panerai replicas

ion plating gold

corum replica watches

rolex watches replica

fake swiss watches

u boat replica watches

patek philippe replica watches

bell ross watches

high quality swiss replica watches

tudor watches

replica panerai watches

mille miglia 2011

panerai 2011

swiss replica watches us

longines watch

wholesale replica watches

swiss fake watches

iwc replica watch

replica patek philippe watches

swiss watches replicas

replica u boat watches

replicas hermes

u-boat replica

rolex watches fake

swiss rolex watches

vacheron constantin royal eagle

panerai watches

 

AIR KING

ROLEX LADY

OYSTER PERPETUAL

MASTERPIECE COLLECTION

GMT MASTER

ROLEX MENS

rolex CLASSIC

SUBMARINER

CELLINI

DAY DATE

YACHTMASTER

DAYTONA

rolex EXPLORER

DATEJUST

ROLEX watches

AEROMARINE AVENGER

BREITLING FOR BENTLEY

1884 SERIES CHRONOGRAPH

NAVITIMER

WINDRIDER CHRONOMAT EVOLUTION

all breitling watches

AEROMARINE SUPEROCEAN

SWISS BREITLING

WINDRIDER

BREITLING FOR BENTLEY FLYING B

omega MUSEUM

CO-AXIAL

OMEGA WATCHES CLASSIC

RAILMASTER

SEAMASTER

SPEEDMASTER

DEVILLE

AQUA TERRA

omega CONSTELLATION

SWISS OMEGA

OMEGA WATCHES

 

panerai replica

u boat watches

panerai

panerai replica watches

replica iwc

bell ross

replica bell ross

u-boat watches

u boat replica watches

bell ross watches

tudor watches

replica panerai watches

iwc replica watch

u-boat replica

 

 

 



◕‿◕

 

 

 

 best vacuum cleaners

Post A Comment

This user has disabled anonymous commenting.