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Post-Modern Job

Added: Wednesday, August 6th 2008 at 8:28am by robertflynn
Related Tags: humor, entertainment



Based on Actual Events


One day the angels came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came with them.  The Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job.  There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright and he remembers me every day of his life.”  

And Satan said, “Does Job remember you for nothing?  It is because he has a non-submissive and dyspeptic wife, unpleasant children, a mortgaged house with leaky roof and bad plumbing, a mean boss that he dislikes, a boring job that he hates, meager salary, no health insurance, no savings, arthritis, gingivitis, gastritis, pesticidis and sciatica.  He thinks of you every day because he hopes you will rescue him from his miserable life and that he will find rest in Heaven.

But make him a CEO with stock options and bonuses for failure, give him a young, obedient wife, no children, two Mercedes and a Jaguar, a mansion in Carmel-by-the Sea, condos in Aspen and Paris, apartments in New York and Prague and a private jet, a personal chef, robust health, perfect teeth, no allergies, good hair, a golf buddy in the White House and he will forget you.”

And the Lord God said to Satan, “He is in your hands.  Tempt him as you will.”

And Job’s wife left him for a career, his children moved to a far city, his boss fired him and Job found that he was an entrepreneur, quickly amassing mansions, fortunes, corporations, a private jet that whisked him from breakfast at Tiffany’s to lunch at the White House to a moveable feast in Paris with vintage French wine at his side and submissive Swedish models at his fingertips.  

And Job forgot God.  

Then one day Satan said to the Lord God, “Where is your servant Job who will never forget you?”  And the Lord God said, “Job is your servant because you have given him earthly delights.”  And the Lord God took away Job’s fortune, his homes and condos, his robust health and good hair.  Job’s non-submissive wife returned to him with flatulence, his children came home to borrow money, his house was flooded from rain and leaky plumbing, his boss gave him back his demeaning job with meager salary, no retirement, bad teeth, bad hair, bad health and no insurance.  

And the latter part of Job’s life was more blessed than before.  And Job remembered God and thanked him.


First published in The Wittenburg Door (www.wittenburgdoor.com)

User Comments

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