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15 and Pregnant
My son came home late last night, way past his curfew of 6:00pm. He came home around 7:30pm and I was angry. He was quiet as I did my standard sermon on why he has to follow the curfew.
He was quiet when dinner started. Then he looked at me and said, "Ma, do you remember GQ?"
I nodded and then he added, "He has a problem. He got another girl pregnant."
I was shocked. "He's as old as you are, right?"
My son nodded. "He's turning 15 this year. The girl's 15 too and on her last year in high school and she will be entering college next year."
"Wow." That's all I could say.
"He came to me saying, 'I realized that what you've been telling me was right. I should've used a condom.' The girl's parents know but he hasn't told his parents yet."
"What are the plans of the girl's parents?" I asked.
"I think they plan to have the baby adopted because, they said, their daughter's too young." he said.
"What do you feel about it?" I asked.
He chewed on his food for several seconds, still in deep thought. "That nobody is too young to get pregnant. I think GQ should support the kid and the mother, since they both did it together - they should at least be responsible for the kid together - at least financially. They don't have to marry. Giving the kid away is a mistake."
I nodded, thinking how my son formed his own conclusions based on my experience and what he would hear as my friends and I would talk about our own problems. I sat thinking how much of his words revealed his feelings regarding his own situation. If he think that his father should've at least supported us financially as my son grew up.
"I told GQ that parenting means being able to provide for the kid. GQ said that money isn't a problem because he has lots of it." he said.
"Lots of it? How much was his allowance?"
"Oh, Php 500 a day [roughly $13]. That's why he feels money's not an issue," my son said.
"Perhaps it isn't now, but it will be later on. He's still on allowance. It's not like he's earning it." I commented.
"I guess that's why his parents aren't around most of the time." He finished his dinner and leaned back. "I am happy I have you and that we talk."
Sighs. My son is growing up too fast.
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I told my friend about it and she told me about a family friend they had who lives and works in California, a gynecologist. She had a 12-year old patient got pregnant the second time that same year! She gave the mom a sermon about condoms. [shakes head]. |
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Rica - I find it touching the communication you have with your son. The talks you have with him now are shaping his life. He should learn that no couple at the age of 15 is prepared for how hard it will be and how much money it costs to raise a child. Children raising children is so difficult and usually means relying on parents to pitch in a great deal. Any chance I get, I try to tell young people (still children) to enjoy their childhood. It's so fleeting, and once it's gone, they will be adults forEVER. No more summer breaks, no more having someone to take care of you or make decisions for you - it isn't always easy being a responsible adult. So kids need to be kids until they complete their college education and can do out and find a good job - get a place of their own and learn about the responsibilities of balancing money, paying bills, and get a GOOD idea about how much it does cost to live on their own. And ALL this before thinking about getting married and having children - IN THAT ORDER preferably :-) We all make mistakes as children - having parents that communicate the way you and your son do warms my heart. I wished I had had such open talks with my parents when I was young. I learned too many lessons the hard way - by shutting my parents out - thinking I knew everything - and it goes both ways - sometimes I think being the 3rd of 4 children, my parents were quite busy both working and trying to support us all. You have something precious there - a son who LISTENS and a son who is open to talking with you about these things. Hope al is well with you. ^..^ |
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All is well on this end and I should be able to blog regularly again in a few weeks. Thanks iLC. I think I better show my son your comment. You are so right... at 15 they have no idea how hard it is. In fact only a handful of kids know about the responsibilities of being a parent - unless they are already working on their own and are tasked to take care of younger siblings [yes, we have illegal child labor on this end of the world]. My parents didn't have time for conversations like these. Most of the time, they'd talk and rant about how life is and I, as a teenager, have to be dutifully quiet and listen. I got to talk to my friends' parents who would take the time out to listen and actually talk about things. I guess I was very fortunate to have people in my life who helped shape me to be who I am right now. That's why I decided to have these 'sessions' with my son. |
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Unfortunately today, kind and understanding mothers like yourself are few and far between. Your very meaningful photo tells us all. Congratulations to both of you. |
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Thank you AT. :) |
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12 and 15 .....so sad. I remember two girls in my high school that got pregnant. Changed a lot of plans, and it's not so glamourous. Really admire the communication you have with your son. |
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Thank you SG. There was a time when we both took it for granted. It was after school started [schoolyear on this end starts in June], and having a few friends did my son realize that none of his friends could talk to their parents the way he does with me. Hmmm. I'll write about it in a different post. :) |
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You have such an awesome relationship with your son, but yet, so sad to hear about this kind of difficult situation. |
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I know it is difficult. I also realized that no matter how much I trained or teach him about life, he will try out things on his own and eventually be influenced by the kind of friends he picks up in school. And by golly - my son's an extrovert. |
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As a Mom, I know there won't ever be day you won't worry about your son, but he sounds like he's watching and listening and putting it all together...and I know that didn't happen by luck. He's still talking because you make him comfortable and don't freak out at stories like that, which is the most important. You've done a tremendous job with him. He's a doll and I loved that age because they can be so funny! |
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Oh that is so true. They can be so funny and yet I sometimes find myself thinking twice if i should laugh or look at him with a straight face. LOL. |
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At age 15 as parent is not a right time but,,,,, he told u every what he done, this is right thing that he share every thing with his mother,,,,,,,, u r right http://www.alacraft.com.au/wall-stickers-cat32 |
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You BOTH listen to each other...a very good boy you have Rica! And he's lucky to have you, too. |
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AJAAAAAAAY. Yes. Missed you too. LOL. Thanks. hugs! |
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I am so glad to see your son has a great head on his shoulders and wise for his young years I know you must be proud of him. You are teaching him well. He's lucky to have you Rica. |
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Thank you shaun. :) |
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you're more then welcome... |
Your son is very wise and fortunate to have a Mom like you that he can share his thoughts with. It is sad that these kids barely in their teens are having sex already! Yes, they do grow up too fast!