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Old? Who's Old?
Top 10 Songs
For People over 50
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Dr. Seuss
On the Golden Years
I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
Oh My God What can I do?
My memory shrinks
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell
I look like hell
My mood is bad--can you tell?
My body's drooping
Have trouble pooping
The Golden Years have come at last
The Golden Years can kiss my ass.
Old is When...
"OLD" IS WHEN...Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!" "OLD" IS WHEN...Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. "OLD" IS WHEN...A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door. "OLD" IS WHEN...You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. "OLD" IS WHEN...You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of the police. "OLD" IS WHEN..."Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today. "OLD" IS WHEN... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot. "OLD" IS WHEN...An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee. "OLD" IS WHEN...Going Bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. |
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User Comments
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I doubt that your old enough to be my grandfather, and I didn't post them to be clever, I posted them because I thought they were funny as hell. |
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No, I am old enough to be your grandfather!!! I know you thought they were funny but I want to hear you laughing at 60!!! LOL |
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I'm only six years away from 60, I'm 54 and I was laughing my ass off. Yeah, regardless I'll still be laughing at 60.. Bank on it. |
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I'm over 50 and I've seen some of these before and some not all of them. And I enjoyed reading this. A guy can tell when he's getting old because his dreams are dry, and his farts are wet. AND.......... This goes out to a guy that could be my Grandpa and I'm 54, Martin who most likeky has stated texting. Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting... ..., there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). ATD: At The Doctor's BFF: Best Friend Fainted BTW: Bring The Wheelchair BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth CBM: Covered By Medicare CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center DWI: Driving While Incontinent FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers FWIW: Forgot Where I Was FYI: Found Your Insulin GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low! GHA: Got Heartburn Again HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On? LMDO: Laughing, My Dentures Out LOL: Living On Lipitor LWO: Lawrence Welk's On OMMR: On My Massage Recliner OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas. ROTFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing..... Can't Get Up SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop TTYL: Talk To You Louder WAITT: Who Am I Talking To? WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again WTP: Where's The Prunes? WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil And you can't make everyone happy all of the time, and there's a few that you never can...Nice Post
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Well hodge I could be your father!! And at 54 you are ancient to 20 year olds--welcome to the seniors club!! |
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But I'm old but not cranky, and have a the spirit on a younger person. I'm never gonna grow up. It's being happy and have a good sense of humor that I feel keeps one young. I wonder what's kept you going all of these years. I do see that your flowers bring a smile to you, and I'm still wait to what else does. Unless being negative to most post others is a joke on us. That's what I keep telling myself that nobody can really be like that and live so long. I hope that you have a nice weekend Grandpa, and a safe 4th. I have to make an appearance out at the pool. I heard they're lacking some class out there today.
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Actually I happen to be a VERY positive person--it is only some 'holier than you' people that bring out the negative in me--if you read most of the comments I make to non-political people you will see that I am upbeat, complimentary. I am only negative to negative people--and most of my negative comments reflect that--only thing it is very hard to show when one is being sarcastic in a comment. I have a lot of fun with fangio, skinny, ravenswolf, ilovecats, windancer, etc., and considering i have never solicited friends I can't be too bad if I have over 200+ who have asked me to be their friend What else brings smiles to my face? Sex, food, good deeds, people showing respect towards others, friends, animals, theatre, talent, artists, ocean, South Florida--the list is endless. I just don't happen to like people who are bullies when it comes to political posts--calling and/or making fun of a man's wife or using negative avatars or putting down people who don't think the way they do politically. And now I am off to the beach in my Speedo kid! |
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...what a Hoot !! :-) And it's all true! How do I know? Have you ever been attacked by a Zimmer?? (for the record, I don't yet have a Zimmer, but I do have a free travel pass - so there!!). |
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Loved the Dr Seuss poem the best, although the others were pretty good too. Thanks for posting. |
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Heheheheeee! At 60, I could certainly relate to most of it. Thanks for the smiles! |
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This post IS pretty funny,because I remember a,ah,I remember and ah,what was I saying about old,oh yea this post IS pretty funny. |
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I copied the song list, etc. and sent it Mr Irish who is on a computer in another room. I didn't want him to miss this because he'll get a kick out of it like I did! About 3 years ago, when I was a LOT younger than the "pretty darn old" I am now, he bought me a little sports car. Actually, I didn't want a little sports car but he did...whatever ; ), but about 8 months later I told him I just couldn't take all the "fun" anymore. Guys would race up beside the car, like Chevy Chase in Family Vacation expecting Christie Brinkley, and I couldn't stand to see all that disappointment on young boys faces day in and day out...and the kicker is that if I did have a good hair day and could pass for maybe a year younger, I'd have to hoist myself out of that thing because for 5 of those months I owned it, I had stabilizers on both knees for tendinitis...LOL! Loved your post and I "lost" my car in Macy's parking lot just yesterday for almost 20 panicked minutes... |
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LOL they all apply to me! Thanks for laugh:) |
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Old is when you ignore thoughtless posts made by someone young enough to be your grandson and they think they are so clever posting stuff that has been on the Internet since Al Gore invented it! BUT revenge will come in 60 years when they are reading this 'clever' post made by someone old enough to be their grandson! LOL