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Emotionally Left Him

Added: Wednesday, August 14th 2019 at 8:00pm by ontheoutside
Category: About Me > About Me > Family

I've been with my partner for eight years and a large part of that has been spent with me feeling miserable. He bothers me and just him being around upsets me, we fight everyday.

He wants intamcy and sex and I push him away because I'm just not interested in him anymore. Even giving him kisses is a struggle for me, I just want him to leave me alone.

I finally told him that I can't keep doing this and acting like this anymore, he refuses to accept it and I have no where to go so I can't leave. He is bothering me constantly asking if I love him and getting upset when I try to explain how I'm feeling. My heart is broken but I have checked out of this relationship. I don't know where to go from here, my head and my heart is a mess. My family is 3000 miles away and I can't just leave but I can't do this anymore. As I type (he doesn't know what about) he is throwing his arms against the chair in frustration that I'm not giving him the affection he wants and that's very upsetting to him. I just don't know when push comes to shove what I should do, because, push has come to shove and I think this is the end of the relationship. I don't know what to do or where to go. I just know my heart can't stay here any more.

User Comments

Maybe a woman's shelter? I hope you find peace soon.

When you are tired of the abuse and unhappiness, as the commentor above said, you will seek safe shelter. And they will get you back on your feet. God bless

With your family being so far away and you having no where to go, it is hard on you. If you have a job, can you stash some money away so that you can get away.? If not, I would try a shelter too. 

Good Luck to you.


A woman's shelter is a good idea. They can give you a temporary place to stay, 3 square meals a day, and some counseling plus they might even be able to help you get back to your family. So why not give them a call?

So..you married him anyway; I've been reading your posts from the beginning and you knew it wasn't going to work out before you tied the knot; came here seeking validation, which you recieved a lot of, even as a newbie.

A lot of people who suggest shelters have no idea what it's like to go to a shelter.  I am not saying this is a bad decision , but only as a last resort and sometimes not even then.

Much depends on whether or not you are in imminent physical danger.  You say 'push has come to shove' but have said nothing about who was doing the pushing and how that came about.  Either of you laying hands on the other in anger is certainly alarming...a deal-breaker so to speak, but many women stay with their abusers for various reasons, sometimes for reasons they can't even explain to themselves.

I stayed with my first husband for 15 years.  He was horrendously violent and abusive.   I am not a victim, but a survivor.

In the end it was not a woman's shelter that saved me, but my own determination coupled with the support of a couple of friends I met online the previous year. 

I could not involve my family because they would have been in danger if he'd found out they had taken me in.  Ditto with mutual friends we'd made during our years together.  Other than the out-of-state ones i first met online, they were afraid he'd burn their houses down if he knew I was sleeping there, and he had no problem telling them so.  He meant it, and they knew he meant it.

The shelter in Pensacola where I spent a very short amount of time after a particularly vicious beating was almost like a jail, with oppressive rules and curfews. Filing a restraining order was mandatory, individual and group counseling was mandatory, as were 12 step meetings if your counselor deemed them necessary. If you were working, they'd make you quit so your husband couldn't follow you from work to the 'safe house' you shared with other women and their children.

They had a 60 day limit on residency unless you had children, and then it was extended to 90 days.  Not much time to start a new life elsewhere, and if you had to leave your husband without a car you were damn near screwed.

And most of them make no arrangement for pets, either.

Still, it may be the only option if your life--or the lives and well being of your children--is in jeopardy.

And if he's dangerous, he will never be more dangerous than when you leave him.

I only tell you these things so you know what to expect. because all they're going to tell you at the outset is "leave, leave, leave" and they *will* make that possible.  Perhaps things have changed and better programs are offered now.  (I went through all this in the late 90s.)

It's certainly time to make a change, but remember that no matter where you go , there you are , and you need to discover why you've allowed yourself to be so unhappy, so poorly treated, for so long.  This will help you avoid a repeat.

I have no advice because you've given us so little detail.

And I've only shared what I shared from personal experience.  If you feel your life or the lives of your kids/pets/friends/family are in danger, by all and any means, get the fuck out of there.

But do so carefully and with eyes wide open.  Have a backup plan, and a backup for the backup.  And once you leave, stay gone.

Good luck.  I'm here if you need to talk further.



Thanks for sharing your experience, I appreciate it. We haven't gotten married yet, we are still only engaged. I appreciate everything you've said though, thank you.

Do whatever it takes to get him out of your life.  He is like a weight dragging you down.  You deserve so much better.

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