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ontheoutside

 

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Disposable

Added: Wednesday, September 11th 2019 at 11:33am by ontheoutside
Category: About Me > About Me > Emotions
 
 
 

I feel numb and i'm tired of this internal battle that I have been fighting my whole life. Everything I do from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep is dictated by anxiety, depression and OCD. The rituals are exhausting and stop me from doing normal day to day activities.

This feeling of numbness is consuming me and the worst part is that nobody really knows expect for me. You can only pretend for so long that you're okay before you break and slowly I feel myself shattering into a million tiny pieces. I have spent my life trying to be a positive force and even so I am consumed with negativity. The truth is I've spend a long time trying to pretend like I really matter, but in the grand scheme of things I don't. I'm not pretty, i'm not thin and i'm not benefiting anyone in anyway. I am disposable. 

How do you fix something that is so beyond broken? How do you manage to find the stregnth to keep fighting when all of your fight is gone? I'm my own worst enemy.

I'm not looking for sympathy just a place to scream into the void and say outloud what I've been feeling for so long. Here I don't have a reputation to keep up, I have no one to disapoint, here I am anonymous and I like that. 

 

-A 

User Comments

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Have you spoken to your psychiatrist about adjusting your meds?

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