Thanksgiving

When life has lost its meaning and is no longer fun

What do I have to be thankful for; a bullet and a gun?

Putting the muzzle against my head as I offer a final prayer

If only I could be right here instead of over there

I simply want to go away into a place I have never been

And all I want in life is to be forgotten and never have a friend

Let me pass away alone in a place I cant be found

Like swimming in a secluded lake and screaming as I drown

Reaching for a hand and finding nothing there but air

When I was drowning in my mind why should you even care

Suicidal dreams in a place I can no longer find

Sick of this life in my soul and inside my mind

Begging for a direction as I fall apart every night

And my days are spent in bed and this life does not feel right

If only for a moment could you indulge my words and prophecy

See deeper inside the print and realize there is something wrong with me

There is something that I lost so many years ago

A moment in time that made me buy make up for my show

When I began to laugh and say that I am always okay

Somewhere along the journey I forgot about Jay

I forgot about what made him and where he had come from

And I lay awake in my bed envisioning the gun

How simple it would be to make this all just go away

Yet I do not believe in suicide so I see another day

My words fall upon deaf ears and I no longer even care

A closed casket at my funeral and no one is even there

Not that I would know because this life is just a lie to make you believe

Believe in an eternity where no one ever leaves

No one ever really dies, but we all kill ourselves

Like being the forgotten product at the back of the stores shelves

I pray daily to a God that seems to have left me to suffer

Reminding me daily that he took my father and my mother

Reminding me daily that this life is just a moment that I can not escape

Stuck on a rock that is simply floating in outer space

Stuck in a life that I wish daily would finally just end

If only for a moment would you pretend to be my friend?

Pretend to believe in something so I can maybe smile

Life becomes so mundane after only a little while

It is easy to forget and fall into the pits of sorrow

Yet Jesus said I will make it if I have to beg or borrow

If I have to fall apart daily in order to make a week

Then I will still bow my head and let my prayers speak

© J.E.M. 2020

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