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King Donald and Emperor Norton

Added: Wednesday, August 14th 2019 at 5:39pm by epiphanettes
 
 
 

Having been raised on Rousseau, Racine and Camus, and being in my heart of hearts a devout royalist, I believe I have come up with a workable solution to the problem presented by our benighted president.

Are you ready?

Make him king.

Yes. Get him a throne, a small mansion in the country, and one of those paper crowns from Burger King (he can buy a real one with his own money.) Televise the coronation. Tell him, after the fact, that the ceremony was watched by more people than were the moon landing and the last Superbowl. Give him a scepter, a rabbit fur-trimmed robe and an orb. If you really want to gild the lily, have someone from Fox tell him he rules by divine right. Voila.

After all, this is what he really wants, to be king of the US of A, and to have citizens worship him. If we accede to his wishes, he’ll be encouraged to spout off inane Tweets all day. He can be a racist, a demagogue, a male chauvinist, a liar, a thief, a con man. He could even dye his hair and bathe in Man Tan, and it wouldn’t matter!!!!

By being king, Trump will join a select society of rulers that include King Philippe of Belgium, King Norodom Sihamoni of Cambodia, King Willem-Alexander of the Netherlands, King Tupou VI of Tonga, and my personal all-time favorite, Almu’tasimu Billahi Muhibbuddin Tuanku Alhaj Abdul Halim Mu’adzam Shah Ibni Almarhum Sultan Badlishah of Malaysia.

King Donald would be a benign ruler, since he would have not a shred of power. He could, however, surround himself with all those people he nominated for government posts and who resigned for one scandalous reason or other. These could be his court, and wear funny costumes. Since many of them are wealthy, they could support King Donald and his family in the proper style. I am not sure how to resolve the Prince Baron conundrum, but I’m working on it.

King Donald would have ceremonial duties. He might ring in Daylight Savings Time, for example, or lend his presence to the opening of new Chik-fil-A franchises. He could throw out the first pitch in Little League games. In a crunch, he might direct traffic or be a greeter at Wal Mart.

There is a precedent to royalty in the States.

Joshua Abraham Norton, a citizen of San Francisco, proclaimed himself “Norton I, Emperor of the United States” in 1859. He later assumed the secondary title of “Protector of Mexico.” He was massively popular and routinely signed edicts for citizens, and currency issued in his name was honored in the places he frequented.

Emperor Norton ordered that the United States Congress be dissolved by force and penned numerous decrees calling for the construction of a bridge and tunnel crossing San Francisco Bay to link San Francisco with Oakland.

Mark Twain and Robert Louis Stevenson immortalized him and, more recently, so did Neil Gaiman.

On January 8, 1880, according to Wikipedia, “Norton collapsed at the corner of California and Dupont (now Grant) streets and died before he could be given medical treatment. Upwards of 10,000 people lined the streets of San Francisco to pay him homage at his funeral. ”  

I can’t guarantee any famous writer will immortalize our regent. I mean, I wouldn’t, and I’m not even famous. Nor can I guarantee that 10,000 people will come to King Donald’s funeral, but then again, facts and numbers could be altered, as he so often does, to make the king posthumously happy.

 

User Comments

None are so blind as those who refuse to see...

I suppose you would say the same about me    ...(or worse!)... 

Sounds like it might work. And if his minions pay him the respect he demands, and buy him nice shiney objects for him to play with, he might accept the position and stop trying to destroy the country.

Yawn! <--did I spell that correctly, Professor?

I'd suggest you stop reading. It's obviously tiring to you.

King Donald would have ceremonial duties. He might ring in Daylight Savings Time, for example, or lend his presence to the opening of new Chik-fil-A franchises. He could throw out the first pitch in Little League games. In a crunch, he might direct traffic or be a greeter at Wal Mart.

~

All I wanna know is how many tourist dollars he'd bring in, as that's the only reason England continues to support it's own Royal Family.


Image result for donald trump as king meme

I think the Brit royal family does more than bing in tourist money. If your system has been around for 1000 years, it serves multiole purposes, opne of which is to bring a sense of equilibrium to the nation.

Trumkp might bring in a few bucks a day if he was taught to tap dance. Other than that, I can't think of any skills he has worth a penny.

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