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Who Stole The Election?
THE MYSTERIES OF THE BLUE ANGEL
Welcome to a new feature on my page. The Mysteries of the Blue Angel, where I look at and try to solve some of the most perplexing unsolved crimes in human history. First up, the stealing of the 2020 US Election.
I can, after much research, reveal the true identity of those who stole the 2020 election from Donald Trump and his supporters and it is not who you think it is. Joe Biden and the Democrats have been accused of rigging the election that took place only a few weeks ago, but, in fact, he and his people are entirely blameless. They have been as much in the dark as the rest of us.
Now, I can't reveal my sources regarding the real architects of the greatest theft in human history. I'd be putting my and others lives at risk. But the truth behind such a staggering crime is so outlandish, so unbelievable, that nobody is going to believe me when I reveal it anyway.
The 2020 American election was stolen by a crack team of mice.
The common mouse (mus musculus) is a small rodent that tends to feed on almost anything and is fed upon by almost everything. But they have been long known for their intelligence and adaptability. However, they were not able to adapt to the idea of Donald Trump as the American President for four more years. This was not because he was a crook, a liar and a con man, who had used his position as president to pour millions of dollars into his own pockets. Rather it was a question of simple bigotry.
You see mice are incredibly intolerant creatures. Especially when it comes to politics. And they hated the fact that a person with red hair was in charge of the country.
"Vile disgusting filth!" a mouse who I will refer to as Elvis Mouse told me. "He looks like he's wearing the pubic hair of an orangutan on his head!" said another, who I'll call Martina Mouse. Both Martina and Elvis, despite helping me with my inquiries, could not hide their anger at the idea that someone so evidently descended from Neanderthals, was currently the leader of the Free World. Elvis told me, and Martina agreed, that the theft of the election was an open secret in the mice world. "Eveybody knew about it" Said Elvis. "I agree!" added Martina.
It turns out that fifty mice, known as the Fiddling Fifty had infested almost every voting booth in the Swing States and had eaten as many ballots cast for Trump as they possibly could. Then the day after Election Night they were joined by another 14,000 mice, who avidly tucked into more Republican ballots, and, as we saw, despite the President taking an early lead in the election, he gained almost no votes after that point. Thus the election, that was going to be won easily by Trump, was lost and the American people were cheated.
And if that seems at all unlikely to you, is it really? Compared to some of the crap that Trump and his lawyers have come up with recently?
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Hey, you can believe every word of it. HaHa. |
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Could it be... and stay with me on this one... that not enough people voted for him and that’s why he lost? No you’re right this sounds ridiculous and stupid. It was definitely mice! |
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Now that really is a whacky theory, Tristin |
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I love it!!!
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You are so kind, sir! |
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[insert remarks which are a conglomeration of How tjdonegan Would Reply to this + How pokeybanana Would Reply to this]. |
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I don't know either of those people. Are they remarkable? |
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Yes, remarkable. tjdonegan is incapable of losing. pokeybanana is incapable of winning. If one of them were a female, they could make a baby that would be an utter nullity. Like matter and anti-matter colliding or some shit like that. |
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They sound like a perfect fit for each other. The Odd (& Even) Couple.
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The really could be a perfected couple. Don't tell either one I've been gossiping about them. Cuz Donegan would love me for it and pokey would hate me for it. |
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They sound like the sun and the moon. Are they always so opposite? |
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Not always. They both aggravate the shit out of me. That was flattery, btw. As counterintuitive as it sounds, it is good to have something affecting me so severely. Life is so boring without interesting things happening. In fact, I'm going to go give pokeybanana a cyberpoke on his Wall. Just to irritate him. If he's irritated, he may write something here. Sometimes he's amazingly brilliant. Don't tell him I said that.
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HaHa. I hope your cyberpoke works. I agree, we need interesting things in our lives. I suppose poking others is one way to make that happen. |
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Firstly you have to figure out where to poke. I poke him in the part of the brain that activates salvation. |
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Salvation? Are you his own personal Jesus then? And if you are, who is your own personal Jesus? |
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I have several Jesuses. Him. You. Gerard Butler. Vanna White. |
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A Jesus Gang? Sounds like you are well prepared then. Vanna White? That wheel lady? |
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She's always wrong. There's always something wrong about her. She's my Satan then. So, I shall recap: pokeybanana, CREATIVE14 and Gerard Butler are my Holy Trinity. Vanna White gets blamed whenever something or someone is unlikable. |
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On December 5th Germany celebrates St Nicholas's Eve (a kind of Christmas Eve where kids put out shoes (like hanging stockings) and St Nick rewards the good children. Krampus punishes the bad children. So men go around the town dressed as Santa or Krampus. Maybe we are your Santa's (if you've been good) and Vanna White is your Krampus. |
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I've never experienced a St. Nicholas' Eve let alone one in Germany or central Europe. But I'm thinking that some of the children must be deliberately naughty on that day just to provoke Krampus. I'm a 50 year old child and I'd love to provoke that Krampus. To harm another. |
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HaHa. I was scared of Krampus as a small child. But I was deliberately always good by December 5th. Which other might you want Krampus to harm? |
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Same guy everyone picks on! pokeybanana. |
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Not Metal Heart then? That's a shame. |
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Metalheart. Evidently he was permanently banned. |
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Yet his bretheren and sistren still haunt this place with their gnashing teeth and their hollow souls. |
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"sistren" *snark* |
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My dad used to call me mausbar, I have a soft spot fot those election stealing rascals! (Ah the terrible unknowable strangelness of one number exceeding the other.) But much nicer when you said it. You write very well! |
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Mausbar? I love childrens stories with animals in. I've heard about the story but don't know it. What part of Germany was your father from? Its not the first time that mice have interfered in the affairs of man. The Russian Revolution was orchastrated almost entirely by Vlad Lenin, Trotsky and millions of mice. A couple of bears were involved too. (They guarded the movement's honey supply). Thank you so kindly, Scarly. I think that you wield words well yourself. |
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Mausbar is a 'cutism' from that part of Germany I guess - town near Stuttgart, unfortunately I don't remember much more. I think you should write a book about that story its awesome! |
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HaHa. Maybe I should. The Russian Revolution was so hyped up by the Russians and the Americans and neither mentioned the bears or the honey. And hardly any credit was paid to the mice either. Though Stalin as a young man obviously resembled a rat.
Stuttgart is actually really quite close to where I grew up. |
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Haha yeah he does look like a rat, I read a history of him a while back, not a very nice guy but what dictator is?
Hey we might be related! |
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For some reason I missed this post. Compared to what trump and his league has been spreading, I think the conspiracy of mice is the better option by far. |
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Its the cutest, most rodential theft in all of Christendom. Yes, sadly, it appears to me that Trump has been spreading so much that he ought to have yielded a bountiful harvest by now. Nope. Republicania is still a desert where no truth, insight or decency seems to live. |
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Yeah, they live on bizarro world when real crooks are given the keys to the kingdom and honest people just doing their job are villians to be threatened with death. |
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Do you think the Christian Right will offer peace and goodwill to all men/women this Christmas? (As is their darned DUTY). |
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I think they will do what they always do...say the ones, mean them for each other, but mean something different where others, like you and I, are concerned. You know like they tell Gay and Lesbians from time to time that they love us, they just hate our sin...ie who we really are. |
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But surely, according to what I've heard, its up to God to judge our sins, not mere mortals? (Judges aside). Well, I like the niceness of Christmas, at least in Germany. Everyone comes together. This will be my first American Christmas, thanks to Covid. I shall be nice to one and all, even Christians, this holiday time. |
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lt's always best to start by being nice....even to Christians. Until they make you not be, anyway. |
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HaHa. |
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This is one of my favorite images from the recent unrest, a MAGA guy who obviously confused flags -
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I'll come back to this when I'm not stoned.