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And That Means That I Get Stuck With Shit Like You?

Controversial Content
Added: Wednesday, November 18th 2020 at 6:29pm by CREATIVE14

I suppose the fact that I mainly post metal videos and have done shit all else in the short time I have been here, might lead the few people who have visited my page, including those darling souls who have friended me, to question why I have come to this little nook of the internet in the first place.

My man is a good guy. A great guy. But I never see him. He's always in Africa or India saving the world. And I love the fact that he cares so much about his fellow human beings. Even though it hurts to be without him ninety (fucking) percent of the time. But he never put restraints on me, and I would never think of doing the same to him. Because, if he bought into those restraints, he wouldn't be the man I love. The bastard. He'd become so much less. 

I think there are many good men in the world. But L. is a great man. And without an ego. People like him spend their entire lives risking their lives to save other people's lives and their communities. Every year, these clever, dumb, wonderful, heroic bastards, and bitches, see their numbers thinned out because some thirteen year old African genocidalist wanted payback for the British, Dutch, Spanish or German Empires excesses. Plus they wanted to murder the shit out of their own people even more. Usually for some kind of profit.

So. my guy walks a tightrope between life and death, for the sake of the most vulnerable. And, lonely as I feel sometimes, How can I criticisie him for that? Most men, most people are shit by comparison. 

And it hurts him that I hurt without him. I know he thinks about me even when he's in the midst of a gigantic humanitarian crisis. He ilustrates that in detail when he emails me. He emails me regularly. We know that we think about each other. That we care about each other. We just never fucking see each other. 

But there's nothing to resent. Not really. 


Why do I come to this blog site? Company. Social and emotional stimulation. I live in a big, big city. But its a cold city. So much pretension. So much self-obsession. I don't want to do the dating scene, as I already have someone. My invisible Perfect Partner, But most social aspects in this city are all about getting hooked-up. Where are the art fans? The culture vultures? The genuine intellectuals, rather than some swine who tells you he's a professor of genetics one minute then vomits all over you the next? (Having become entirely incoherrant a good hour before that).

Bogster is people. People I can pull the plug on. Switch off, with a flick. So no pressure. No biggy. And that applies to the more gregarious, or even abusive individuals on Blogster that I've noticed in the last week or so. Because really, they are not real at all. They are just a computer programme that thinks its real. They mean nothing in my life.


Unless they are on my friends list. Then they really do mean something. Like rose buds that may grow into beautiful rose bushes. 


And it is really important to me that those on my friends list as well as being beautiful beings in their hearts, also bear thorns. I'd hate to have to start worrying too much about them like I worry about my guy L. 


I adore people who, in a world of cruelty and dysfunction, still have genuine humanity and bravery. Even if it ends up distorting the shit out of them. I think a good-hearted fuck up, is worth a billion of those who who think they are sane and good, when they are actively destroying all around them. And beyond.


I have a question for anyone who reads what I said here. 


Are you so, so sure that your take on life is so fundamentally accurate?

If you paused to consider that question, even for second, I think that you must be some kind of thinker.

But if you dismissed it out of hand, without thought, and thus dismissed myself, and most of humanity out of hand as well, then you probably lack the life experience to know what thinking and its potential really is. 

And that means, that I get stuck with a shit like you, rather than the real deal, like wonderful L. The bastard.

No offence guys. 


I am happy here though. Troll has been the finest companion, MisterCox is an interesting so and so, Tristan and Scarly seem nice and really quite brave, the shit they seem to get, and hopefully I'll be able to add many more heroic volk to my friend's list.

I know I keep posting vids. But I've been obsessed with this one for months. If I don't post it now I'll probably piss shit and vomit simultaneously. So this is important guys, OK? And its totally brilliant as well!

User Comments

"Are you so, so sure that your take on life is so fundamentally accurate?"  It is a life I CHOSE/CHOOSE and I have no complaints with it!

Good for you, sir!

You write beautifully. I look forward to reading more of your posts. Also I don’t think anyone’s take on life is fundamentally accurate... or maybe I just don’t get what you mean by that. Ether way, carry on. You’re awesome.

Thank you so much, Tristin! I don't plan to write too often. Just when the mood takes me. Yes, I think we can always learn more about ourselves from others. So our take on life is probably always going to be less than it could be.

If you came here to share Metal videos then you came to the wrong place.

There is plenty of social stimulation so long as you enjoy psuedointellectual ramblings from people incapable of communicating with anyone not in their bubble...

Find the needy people and start coddling them. You'll have all of the attention you want.

I often go to the wrong place. Then find that I like it any way.

You're gonna do fine here. The anti-human pedophile supporting death cult has already embraced you. Good luck!

My take on life "is, like, oh my god, so totally accurate, Susan, where's my fucking lipstick, bitch?".

My take on life feels pin-point precision perfect at times. And then it seems to change all on it's own. So it's perfectly static, and it's ever-changing at the same time.

I have a distinct memory from about, maybe, a guess, age 11? 12? So, about 39 or 38 years ago.

It's real. As in: I sincerely believe it's real and as far as I know I'm not beholden to some fucking illusion of my own making:

I'm sitting on the toilet. I have tremedously diarrhea, cuz I definitely have the flu. I also have tremendously vomiting. That fucking flu again, ya know?

Though I try to withhold it, the vomit flows out of me at the same time as the diarrhea. Vomit goes right onto the non-porous bathroom floor. Diarrhea continues into toilet.

The memory seems to stop there. Which probably means Mommy or sister cleaned it up.


That's not a nice memory. But at least its in the past.

I'm with Tristin. You write beautifully and I enjoy the videos that you share. As far as one's take on life being accurate? I don't think any of us know what we're doing and have no idea if there's one take on life that's more accurate than the others ... except mine. I'm right and everyone else is wrong.

I think it's generally better to be non-wrong than it is to be right.

Remind me to post about non-wrongness.

Thank you so much, Troll! Glad you like the videos. I think Rammstein, especially, do super stuff in that sense.

Haha. I think your take on life is probably better than most then.

Oh. About the vids you post. If I know it's metal, then about 97% of the time I will utterly ignore it. Jus' bein' straight-up with you.

If you post something that can be read and thought-about and processed...then I may respond.

That's OK bro... 97% of the Metal community would ignore you, utterly...

Yeah. All people, I'm thinking lately, all people whether or not they'll say it, do in fact ignore others. Including me. Not me personally; no, me as in somebody who is not them.

That's fine, MisterCox. You're welcome to come by any way.

I agree with the general consensus, you write very well and your music is great, you are a fine and welcome addition to the good people side here. 

Sorry I missed this!

Your guy sounds like a keeper - it sucks that he's away from you for such long periods but great that he is actually does something for the world.

I'm jealous! 

Thank you so much, Scarly! I'm obsessed with metal, but like you, I like classical as well. Especially around Christmas time. Beethoven, Mozart, Wagner and Vivaldi. Basically, the Axis composers. (Blush). Germany has it own unique political correctness. All related to the war and fascism. There is often a sense of great social pressure to always say the correct things and never the incorrect things. These days its more assumed and unspoken, but its there. I just think that we shouldn't feel guilt for what other people have done before we were born.  But I'm only half German. If I was entirely German, I'd probably feel the Kollektivschuld that became the norm. Needless to say, I thought what the Nazis did was terrible.

Lee, my guy, is the real angel and the real deal. And really far away. Do you think we'll always have to compromise with men? I wouldn't want a lesser man, just because he was around all the time. That'd be like dating Metal Heart, HaHa! He may be a bastard, but he's always there for us. We just have to be true to ourselves, don't we? Better no relationship at all than the wrong one. Hope you find someone soon. Can't be easy dating during a global plague.

Hahaha Axis composers! The thing is german and italian composers are more emotive and complex I think. I love Vivaldi and Verdi, Puchini - and of course Wagner, Motzart - Bach is fantastic. There is a mathmatical language to music that I am facinated with. Do you know about Fugues? Bach wrote a lot ot them, it's music that works bakcwards as well as forwards, cool isn't it? 

I understand something of that colective guilt, I live in an area that has a lot of Jewish people in it and I think about the terrible things done to them. I am surprised if many people who have german family don't. 

I think this mostly makes me more angry when you see the right behave likt they do.

I don't know there are so many theories on what makes men both attractive and even more attractive when they are bastards! It's hard to say, I'd like to be a man for a few weeks to see if it's genetic, hormonal or just something that they have because of power. 

I've met lovely men that I didn't get on with and decent men that I couldn't love because they were weak - I've just never met all of what I wanted in one. And as for women - we are too mental to date for very long, I like Emma (my gf) because she gets bored too and she is honest enough to say - lets have a break, so we do. 

I don't want children either which finished two relationships with men, but bad as it would be to have a child at least we don't have Metal as a bf - can you imagine! Eww! All that crying and 'I'm the best jsut ask me!'

I'm in no hurry - tho I'm 30 now - If I find someone great if not I'll be ok, there is so much to keep me interested with work, books and travel.

Dating at the moment is a no-no even if we haven't had a new infection for two and a half weeks, I'm going to wait for the vaccine before I bump ugglies with another dude/dudette! 

You could be right about the Germanic and Italian composers being more emotive and complex. I haven't really checked out Bach, and, though I've heard of fugues, I didn't know what they were. But that's extraordinary. Music that can play both ways. 

I do feel uncomfortable about the Holocaust. But I had Jewish friends at school and in my teens and it never became an issue. In fact it felt actually good to talk about the view from both sides of the river, so to speak. The Right Wing in the States and Europe really sucks hard.

The right sucks everywhere, ultimately I think most racial issues stem from either people not actually knowing someone personally and seeing the differences rather than the similarities. 

I have friends who always go for bastards and then seemed amazed when things don't work out for them. OK, they seem mentally strong, but often they aren't and then what is there left to want in them? Lee is strong. But he doesn't have to prove it to the world all the time. He just has this certainty about himself. Its not egotism. I think he just has the world and people in a context that really works. Gold is a rare thing. And he is golden. 

I think some lovely men can sometimes seem almost passionless. Like they can't tune into raw emotion. Maybe I'm being unfair though. 

I haven't dated a woman, though I'm not against my doing so. Lee and I both accept that we are apart so often that there will be times when we need to connect with someone emotionally or physically. And whilst, most of the time that just doesn't happen (we are both honest about it), its an option we don't take from each other. I have met very attractive women, but as yet, there have been few men or women that I've really wanted to get with since I hooked up with Lee. Though too much Absinthe and I'm almost anybody's. HaHa! Fortunately my best bud Carter (I know, funny name for a woman) keeps an eye on me.

Metal? Imagine if he had kids, they'd be so immature for their age they'd still be spermatazoa. 

Yeah, 30, still young enough. I'm just past 40. Positivity and an interest in a variety of things could well be enough to get us through life. Even without Mr Perfect. 

Hmm. The Pandemic is a real downer. Keep safe though. Wise of you.

Bump uglies? Is that Australian for partaking of carnal relations? What a horribly excellent term. HaHa.

Yes, that makes sense to me.

Yes my best friend, and another one who got married last year - both of them married pricks. Well it's what turns them on - nothing you can do about it. 

You sound like you've found a keeper! It's always best if you can just be honest, I do understand how if you like another person that your partner could get upset though. Both of us have a fairly open attitude which is unusual, I think that gets better with age. When a person gets older you are less paranoid and more centred maybe?

I was told he has a kid - Scott Jnr - can you beleive that! Imagine naming your kid after you! What a jerk! 

We have some alarming but blunt sayings - I like that one, it is yes - having sex is bumping uglies. 

Booyah, Mz Scarly!   (and Oakie, lol)

Glad to see ya still writing, sorry I haven't been around, I'm close to boycotting the internet entirely for various reasons I won't get into here, just wanted to let ya know I still stop in to read (mostly signed out, so I read what I can, figuring those who close their blogs really just want an echo chamber as opposed to real conversation, so no great loss there 'cus I aint no goddamned echo.)

Carry on, Wench!

And to Creative14:  Welcome to the Madhouse which is Blogster.  While I am generally of the opposite camp politically, some of my best friends are liberals, hahahaha...and I really don't mind discussing these differences as long as it's done with intelligence and wit.

You're a good writer, even if I won't always agree with what you say.  Keep on keeping on, and once again, welcome to the cesspool of Blogster.  Put your hip boots on, the shit here really stinks, but it's never terribly deep, just talking points ripped from other sources and a lot of back-patting for those (ahem---*clever*---enough to find and copy/paste it here.)

Good grief, it's why I pretty much left this place, after writing here for almost a decade.  (Under many accounts, all now closed, at my request , not due to banning, as some dickwads will tell ya.)


Blog on!

Thank you so kindly, Imperatrix! I have no problems discussing things with people on the other side of the river, so to speak. I have Republican friends. Though most of them don't exactly adore the current president.

Thank you again. I have noticed how grumpy some of the people on here are. I even had to block a fellow called Metal Heart, he was extremely rude, although I believe he's been banned from Blogster now.

Well, maybe you'll come back here more extensivly one day. I write professionally, but work has dropped off due to the pandemic, so blogging helps me scratch my writing itch. Maybe you'll miss it too much at some point.

Thanks for your comment.

I think that many people mature as they get older, though not all. Some merely age. But part of maturing is to become more at home with who you are as a person. Like you say, become more centred. Some people never get there though and stay highly strung their whole lives. Honesty is definitely the best policy in relationships, in my view. If it goes both ways the trust will always be there. And the respect and love.

Squee! Sabrina! Great to see you, how hay you been?

Still alive, still chronically ill, but after beating lung cancer (i hope) the lung reduction surgery they did to remove that tiny killer, spotted *very* early, I am breathing better than I have in years.  The emphysema marches on, however, entirely incurable sans transplant.

I remain in palliative care, having survived too long for Hospice, haha.  I'm too stubborn to die just yet.

Squee  back at ya, sweety!  Give my love to Oakie.

Wow that's good and bad, sorry to hear mate, at least it didn't get you! I also read about Simon's foot, that's terrible as well, you both hang in there!

I will I email back and forth fairly regularly, he's not in a good place - well he has to move basically and he's not well either.

Tell him I figured out (finally) how to do video chat on my cell phone, and I'd be happy to cheer him up.  I just need advance notice so I can put some makeup on and not look so scary, hahha.

And yeah, the only good thing about having COPD is the excessive chest xrays I am subjected to.  The cancer was spotted very early and we'd already been considering lung reduction on my right lung, which was fucked up fourteen different ways, scarred from inhaling stomach acid during my very first respiratory collapse (about 7 years ago now) and just blown out with emphysema.  Having all that damage gone makes what remains function more efficiently, but as a science-y kinda chicklet, I'm sure you knew that already!

So glad to see you, welcome back!

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