So, I went to a gentlemen's club on the north end of Fort Worth, fittingly named the Fort Worth Gentlemen's Club. I have never been in a place like this. Hell, I have never even been in a Hooters. I have issues with objectifying people. Particularly women. You will hear me say something like "she is mine" and I do get jealous easy and possessive. But that is not really objectifying in a demeaning manner. I would have no issue with someone being the same way about me (actually, would love it). Monogamousness can be for another topic for another day I guess.

[Personal Background: I was once/recently described by a female friend as 'the nice guy mom wants you to marry instead of that douche you are currently dating' which I have still not really decided if I should feel good or go in a corner and start crying.]

But might as well right? It is friday night, I am bored, and It was on the way back. Sometimes I am not really sure of what I am thinking because I am rather antisocial. Even though I go out, I would rather be left alone while I am out. That makes no sense, but it is for the truth.

Never having been in one of these places, I really had no clue what I was suppose to do. And I really still do not. However it was apparent quick that money burns fast. For those out of the loop, a "gentlemen's club" is basically a strip club with generally higher-class clientele than the strip-shack down at your local street corner. To be honest though I did not even know they do all the things I saw happening there, it was just like the clubs in GTA4, I was half-shocked, I was certain that that game exaggerated things... ... but no.

Here is where I was not thinking, they do not leave you alone, duh. Their (they being "the girls") job is to make me feel good enough to spend money. Case in point - I was sitting there sipping a beer (I could not really drink, I was driving and it was not my car, only ended up having like 1/3rd of the bottle (that cost me $5.75). meh) and out of the blue these two girls come to my table and start talking to me. They ask me how I am, what I do, where I am from. I answered of course, but the entire time in the back of my mind I am thinking, why should I it is not like they really care about me. To be honest, since they were not 'with' me nor would ever be, so I really wanted them to leave me alone. This is where the whole idea to even try going hit me in the face. But I already paid $10USD just to get in, and $5.75 for a beer I was not even going to drink.

Now, what exactly am I suppose to do at this point? I do not have to tip them just for talking to me right? I figured out after a server came the second time in 30 seconds that I think was suppose to buy them drinks at least. So I did. I've never bought a drink for someone I was not dating. And I rarely get to date so this also was awkward. I have also never gone to a bar to "pick up chicks" by randomly buying drinks.

However, something so epically funny happened during this conversation. I could not hear the girls talking because the music was so loud. So the one to my left kicked out my chair and plopped on my lap. At this point I am thinking so many thoughts at once. Here they are in pretty much the correct order.

• "Why is she sitting on me?"
• "Do I have to tip for this? I mean she is just sitting there."
• "Oh, Shit"
• "She smells nice."
• "Her smokes smell good too, I think they are cloves."
• "I should have stopped for a pack of smokes before coming."
• "No, I would get my friends car smelly then."
• "What the hell am I suppose to do with my hands?"
• "She smells nice."
• "My leg is going numb, is it O.K. to wiggle around to wake it up?"
• "I wonder how much rest XP I have doubled up in World of Warcraft."

Here is the funny part though, as I mentioned I was just sitting there texting minding my own business and had put my phone in my pocket a few seconds before they came over, and a minute or so before she sat one me. During a moment of awkward-to-me silence, the girl sitting on my lap exlaims, "OH WOW... mmm... I think you are vibrating." She was sitting on my phone, and I was getting text messages over and over lol.

So, Did I have to tip them for sitting with/on me? I did inadvertently vibrate one. It seemed like she enjoyed it too, unless that was as fake as her interest in my personal background.

The server noticed I was barely drinking too. She told me on my way out, "I would have offered you more but you were sipping that beer like tea" - which I find pretty funny too because I actually pound tea all day long during work.

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