WILD IRISH ROSE

On March 4th I conducted the third wine review in this series. Wild Irish Rose comes in at an 18% alcohol level and cost $3.99. I remember getting this rotgut for $1.79 back in the day. WIR is described as "100% Grape Wine with Citrus Spirits", but only rotgut was detected over the much anticipated citrus spirit upgrade to the grape wine.

Prior to these wine reviews, the most recent rotgut that got my three bucks was WIR back in 1997. After a 10 year hiatus from twist offs, I have returned to the warm embrace of Rosie.

Started the bottle at 3:28 and decided on the Little Caesar's Crazy Bread to be the featured tapas to enjoy with this classic red. The doughy appetizer complimented the occasion and kept the entire cost of the wine event within the $6 budget allowed per review.

I actually was looking forward to this wine tasting because of a strong past history with this particular brand. Back In The Day (BITD from now on) ghetto wine participation was often the cure for blue balls. Seems like during the "Great Pussy Shortage of 1981", the Bison Herd was often found, brown bag in hand, air-guitaring AC/DC by bonfires....and in my brown bag was Rosie.

Rotgut also cured those situations where you dump the chick you are seeing for a chick that puts out ... but that deal falls through ... so you end up driving all over the place to find the chick you shit-canned ... only to discover that she is doing "just fine without you" according to her friends, by now only the sluts are available, but you are so cockblocked by all the loser-dudes because you were too busy driving all over the place, looking for the ol' handjob upgrade....I could use a drink.....

So, I open the Rosie and notice the full bodied bouquet. The photo op sip aside, I poured a little in a wine glass for an accurate critique. Swirling the nasty 100% grape wine with citrus spirits a dark red colour was noticed. The aroma was rich and yes, there was that slight pure grain alcohol scent to it.

First Swig - Let me go on the record right now, I didn't slosh the stuff around in my mouth....it's just not proper twist-top etiquette.

This red had the richest flavor of the previous two samplings. Not quite as bitter and not quite as sweet but a real full body to it. It is starting out the best of the three reds which includes Nightrain and Longhorn Red to complete the trifecta with Richard's Wild Irish Rose.

Let's jump to swig #4... which is uneventful but maintains the slightly bitter but full flavour.

Swigs 5,6,7 were all a bit smaller. The flavour has turned sweeter a bit.

#8... is the halfway point and Rosie is getting quite good.
#9... was done by my wife Amy in a frozen double shot-glass. She said the smell was that of "A full diaper genie after setting for 3 days". She later explained that the smell resembled a 3 day old piss-filled diaper. Go figure, only a mother of 3 knows what that would smell like.

#10 All swigs are pretty small now..
#11 Went big on account of noticing the smaller gulps.
#12 Gotta go big here...I take 2 big-ass gulps....feeling warm, but I have to get this thing moving.....starting to feel a bit of a buzz.
#13... and we are finally rolling with just 1/3 of a bottle left.
#14 Non-eventful...#15 Ditto.

Number 16 was a giant 3 gulper. Every bottle should require at least one of these. This wine, Wild Irish Rose, is ready for consumption at this point. This is quicker than Nightrain, and Longhorn never really got to the public consumption point. Headache begins to pulse.

#17 Another big swig...trying to get this thing done. No problems or issues whatsoever at this point.

#18 As I started to take this pull I decided to take it on home as the bubbles glugged their way throughout the bottle. This was a simply textbook, old skool, ghetto skillz.

The Wild Irish Rose is the best of the ghetto reds. A fuller flavour and far less gutwrenching that the Longhorn Red and Nightrain. If you are in the market for real rotgut with the lowest gag-reflex factor, then WIR is for you. For some crazy reason, you can checkout the Wild Irish Rose website at www.cwine.com. I have not been there yet, don't really plan on it...but it was considerate of them to provide it just in case the derelicts living beneath the exit 5 overpass have WIFI for their laptops.

Nightrain, being the stereotypical rotgut, didn't carry as much of a dread factor as expected. Nonetheless, there really is no reason to ride the Train. Longhorn Red? It isn't even close. Despite the fact that it carries the highest alcohol content and is the most reasonably priced for such aforementioned alcohol content, the only reason to ever drink that vile liquid would be if a Viking had his pants down and a gun to your head. Then, AND ONLY THEN, should you consider the option....and personally, I would take my chances disarming the fucker.

This review hopefully completes the red wines. These are the harshest on the market which is exactly why they were chosen to launch these wine reviews. I pursued the ghetto reds with the highest level of regret because I knew just how rough they are and it proves my commitment to providing this service to the public.

Next week I will begin the Maddog 20/20 series. With the reds out of the way, I now have to make room for the green, orange, and blue wines that will be coming up. In the meantime...Eat, drink, and get drunk.

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