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awwwnikki

 

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Imperatrix
 

new third world country, new job, and new classes, oh... and i have to quit smoking weed

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Added: Friday, January 18th 2019 at 9:46am by awwwnikki
 
 
 

 

I'm pretty excited for the new semester. 

My accumulative gpa is very low.. lol its a 2.6, something I'm not proud of at all... due to past mistakes from my first and second year. But my major gpa is a full whopping 3.6 ;) so I'm proud of that aspect for sure. If the forces of the universe grants me and the Lord blesses, I hope to travel abroad next year to Spain. I'm manifesting those words into existence! or trying to... Besides tuition would be much cheaper out there. Its about time I got away, like f*ckk!

I had a job interview recently to work as a AVID school tutor of 9th grade, I got the job! As long as I can complete nearly 40 pages of paperwork in time. I feel HORRIBLY blessed and excited, NO MORE RETAILL! {#airborne.gif}{#floating.gif}{#happy.gif} oooohoooohooooooo!!! If I do not have to work at a dead end job where i cant progress, while I'm in college, then I wont have to.

And I still have a job lined for me in August for a nonprofit organization, and if I work there for a year, my housing fee will be stiffened by up to $2,000 or more dollars. 

I'm also going to start volunteer work soon, its been riding on my ass and driving me crazy. Especially going down the streets of bay area and all you see is the homeless population... its time to start, it traumatizes me.. and i catch myself tearing up, literally.

what traumatizes me even more, is that no one cares... or gives a sh*t. how do you walk by a man on the street, white or black, see him sleeping in a sleeping bag and just think thats okay??

the bay area is like a third world country... and people still act to be stuck up and bougie like this isnt their problem. i hate ppl sometimes... the energy isn't being directed towards the right things... and it sucks..

 

 

well, im taking all english classes, and even in my third year im still completing my upper division when this should have been done in my second year. ugh.

there was one class, i was super excited for... as much shit as i talked about christianity in the past, i still want to learn and understand the bible {#floating.gif}, ive been reading it and talking about it with my dad over the break. i have questions, i have concerns..

so, i enrolled in a class called Bible and literature. guess what happened? i ordered and bought my textbooks, everything.. the class was canceled because only 9 people enrolled. {#broken_heart.gif}{#broken_heart.gif}{#brokenheart.gif}{#brokenheart.gif}{#brokenheart.gif}

i emailed my instructor, i had him before, him and i had a full blown conversation in email about it the other day.

sometimes, i cant stand this campus, because no one cares about anything and it makes me feel like such a lonerrr, i go throughout my day unable to connect, i have only two friends here, people think im a wierdo. im not clique-ey i dont try to gossip, so people dont take to me. sometimes i feel like i just dont belong. 

it feels so empty to me... I don't want my classes to feel meaningless or ill go depressed... "just here to pass, although i didn't learn anything"... ugh 

 

but instead, i am taking humans and sex, a biology course thats upper division. i like sex, who doesnt love sex? so it would be nice to learn about it. 

 

 

I havent smoked since the beginning of this month. Its time to take a long long break, because I'm going to be working around children. working in retail at the mall, at target, at jcpenney, you can go to work high, even on shrooms, and no one will care. as long as you can do your job. 

but here, i don't want to ever go in smelling like weed infront of children, ever. 

I can stop smoking for a year for this, im blessed and happy to have this job and i dont want to do anything to blow it for myself {#floating.gif} i just hope these kids don't bully me. high school students intimidate me, i had a rough rough time going to school and i almost slipped between the cracks, but! i had a lot of positive role models i looked up to in high school who helped me succeed and go to college! if i didn't i probably would have never been able to go here... {#floating.gif}

User Comments

I love weed and smoke tiny amounts daily to manage my manic-depression...BUT...I really don't recommend it for young people who are building their futures because it just kills ambition.  It slays it, Nikki.

Good on ya for taking a break from it, I do believe you'll be happy with the difference, both in energy level and increased accomplishment.  There's time for partying later, get yourself set up first.

:)

I do it for my anxiety and menstrual pain, and of course just for fun. 

It does! Ive witnessed it, S., that is why im choosing to finally put it down. 

{#friend.gif}

I knew you just had to do your own experimenting with various substances because somewhere along the line, some adult/s did you a good turn, Nikki, they taught you to think for yourself rather than blindly accept what you're told.

Weed itself is relatively innocuous, certainly less harmful than alcohol, which ruins lives in all sorts of ways.  But no substance itself is evil or bad--the way they are used can be, and in suprisingly sneaky ways.

Now that your natural curiosity has been satisfied, move on, move forward, and save those tokes for truly special occasions!  (ahem--graduation comes to mind.)

(((smiles)))

You explain things so well! 

They have, for sure! I'm glad I was able to utilize marijuana and shrooms for the better. I knew what I was drawn to, and knew what I wasn't drawn to. Being offered cocaine or any other substance like ecstacy, I thought: oh hell no. I'll leave that to the next person. But defintely psychedelics, I'm for, in the right amount. I've read books about them and still in the process of reading MORE books about them!

I've been blessed somehow by not having an addictive personality. Even alcohol is a once a month, if that thing. Ive had my fun of being drunk and i HATED it.  

With much love, *smiles*

I was like I suspect you are when in school.  The subjects i was interested in, I want to say resonate with, i had no problem doing well.  But some areas of study were seemingly beyond me.  With me it was things like sociology and philosophy that I had no trouble acing.

Now science (any kind) and lauguages...not so much.

Scenes, I struggled with the philosophy class I took here. Many odd terms that I had to force myself to memorize. 

I feel you, I struggled with those two subjects my first and second year, along with high school.

My real salvation on philosophy, I have to be honest and admit was how the professor did the tests.  They were all issue tests and he would give us a question inviting us to write the assay showing that we had an understanding of the issues involved.

In other words, I wrote and wrote and perhaps even bombarded him with text that made it sound like I had the idea.  I never even read the book...just listened to the lectures.

If I had been required to know dates and stuff, I might not have gotten A's...LOL

My instructor here did part multiple choice, part written response (essay) and I still fought for C's on the tests. 

hahhaha i did the same! for many classes, I'd sometimes make stuff up. {#airborne.gif} I read the parts that were assigned and put sticky notes in the margins to list key points. It's a method I've used. 

Atleast you recieved good grades! 

Now in German....I got 4 D's and that was with a tutor.

Gosh it does sound like you are going to be kept very busy.  l wish you well in everything you take on.  

Volunteer work is very rewarding.  It is nice to be able to help those in need.

yes, Jaddie.. whew.. I hope I can manage.

It is rewarding work! I want to get back into it for sure. 

Thank you for your encouragement. {#floating.gif}

Im so happy to hear so much positivity in these latest developments!  Congratulations on the new job!

Hi Maggie!

Thank you for being happy for me and encouraging me, it is much appreciated! {#floating.gif}

concentrate on the work xx...play lter.. you have a good spirit dont waste it  xx

yes, there's always fun later. Something im trying to discipline and teach myself. 

thank you green fairy for your helpful encouragement. {#floating.gif}

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