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Polar Bear Raft Company
A public service announcement provided by The Angry Republican
It has been brought to our attention that Polar Bears are dying.
This is un-acceptable.
"..The polar bears have always been there for us. It is time for "us" to be there for the polar bears…"
That is why I have created- "The Polar Bear Raft Company."
See,
Polar bears are dying off because the Arctic Ice is melting. Polar bears live on the ice and now they have nowhere to live. They are drowning.
Every time you drive to work, you are killing polar bears. When you wash your dishes, you drown polar bears. Every time you breathe in oxygen and expel carbon- you kill more polar bears. Just going about your daily life today, you will probably kill about 3 polar bears.
We cannot have this..!!
Here at- "The Polar Bear Raft Company," we build rafts for the polar bears to live on. But not just any rafts. We build "eco-rafts."
All of our rafts are made from 100% recycled shipping crate wood. NO NEW TREES ARE CUT DOWN TO make the raft.
All of the nails are 100% "galvanized" free. The cheapest nails you can buy. Nothing in the nail will hurt the polar bear. PLUS- we drive in each nail by hand with a hammer. No electricity is used to make these rafts. Electricity that could come from a smoky, toxic, coal burning power plant.
The buoyant barrels are former "toxic chemical containers" that would end up in some landfill for eternity. People actually pay us to take them..!!
And finally- We do NOT "fly" the rafts up to the arctic. We do not load them on to a ship and deliver them to the arctic. NO… That would burn fossil fuel and kill more polar bears.
We throw the rafts into the ocean. The natural northern currents take the rafts to the arctic. It is Mother Nature who delivers the rafts to the polar bears.
An entire polar bear family could live on one of these rafts. They can make little polar bear babies. Go to the bathroom. They can kill and eat baby seals. And live a happy / normal life on one of these rafts.
Doesn't this make you feel all warm and fuzzy? My toes are tingling.
What does it cost to save the polar bear..??
How can you put a price tag on saving a majestic creature like the polar bear..??
$ 200.00 bucks.
For every $200 you send "The Polar Bear Raft Company," we will make one raft. There are 300,000,000 million people in America. If every man, woman, and child sends $200 bucks. That would equal- $600,000,000,000. (600 trillion dollars).
WOW,
I would never have to worry another day in my life. (About the polar bears.)
This problem is too pressing to send checks. We cannot wait for the checks to clear. Polar bears are dying while we speak.
Send cash. And send it fast.
"How much should I send..??" Here is a good rule of thumb. How much money do you have in cash? Add $100 to that amount and send it today. Remember…
"..The polar bears have always been there for you.. It is time for you to be there for the polar bears.."
If you send $200 or more, we will send you a picture of a polar bear. Each polar bear has a name so that you can track "your special" polar bear. Plus, we will keep you updated by stuffing your mailbox chuck-full of junk mail asking for more money. Because we care and we must save polar bears.
If you are a cheap bastard and you send less then $200, you are not getting a picture of a polar bear, but we will still keep you updated by filling your mailbox chuck full of junk mail.
Do it now. Send the cash today. (While I can still "cash in" on the Bush tax cuts for the rich.)
Send all the money you have, to-
T.P.B.R.C. (The Polar Bear Raft Company)
Do it today..!!
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Written by AR Babonie for The Angry Republican
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Folks,
That was a parody. Please do not send cash. I do not need the feds investigating me for mail fraud. It was a joke. If you send cash, I will spend it on hookers and booze. I am not building rafts for polar bears.
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User Comments
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[THUMBUP][THUMBUP] |
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Happy New Year |
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so do you not think we are damaging the enviroment with the polution we humans are spewing out. |
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You are projecting…
I am quite clear in my goals. I am trying to raise 600 trillion dollars so I can hire another butler. And maybe, just maybe save a few polar bears. The question is.. Are you Dav1d, going to stop driving your car? Will you cut the power lines from your house and stop using electricity? Will you stop using fossil fuels to keep warm / cool? I already conserve my personal burning of fossil fuel. But I do it because I am cheap. Fossil fuel costs money. I am cheap. I only use as much power as I need to live moderately comfortable. If you would like to drive your car less because you are saving polar bears. That is good. I have always driven my car less because I save money. Just the other day I demanded that the butler turn down the swimming pool to 89 degrees. (Brrrr. Chilly) Thanks for the comment..!! |
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Such thought provoking logic has moved me to take immediate action.
I have just reset the thermostat on my outdoor 12 person hot tub, from 104 down to 103. Glad to help!!!!! |
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You have probably save 6 polar bears, just by doing that.
Since you are conserving, I think I will turn up the temp on my swimming pool. 89 degrees was a little chilly. I wasn't enjoying myself much. Happy New Year[WINK] |
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[LOL][LOL][LOL][LOL][LOL][LOL] This is one of your best. [THUMBUP] When I'm down and out and need a laugh I come to you. AR, your good medicine. [HEART] |
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Thank You Sherry,
That is one of the best compliments a person could give..!! That was written Dec 30th, and so far we have only built (one) raft. But I am confident that after Al Gore wins the Oscar for his movie- "Inconvenient Truth", money will start flowing into The Polar Bear Raft Company. |
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[LOL][LOL] Hey what can I say, it's the truth. I love your sense of humor and you always put smiles on my face and giggles in my heart. [HEART] |
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[LOL] A very good parody. HAPPY NEW YEAR! |
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Thank You- Happy New Year to you[SMILE] |
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Vast ice shelf collapses in the Arctic
By Michael McCarthy, Environment Editor Published: 30 December 2006 A vast ice shelf in the Canadian Arctic has broken up, a further sign of the astonishing rate at which polar ice is now melting because of global warming. The Ayles ice shelf, more than 40 square miles in extent - over five times the size of central London - has broken clear from the coast of Ellesmere Island, about 500 miles south of the North Pole in the Canadian Arctic, it emerged yesterday. The broken shelf has formed an ice island, in what a leading scientist described as a "dramatic and disturbing event", citing climate change as the cause. **Read that this morning, thought it would make a good edition to your new endeavor. Cheers Dan |
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And remember the polar bears.. Everybody.
Keep that cash coming. Polar bears have no better friend than you.. |
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A polar floated down my creek on a slab of ice just the other day. But I'm sorry I didn't know their plight. I shot him. |
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It is still legal to shoot polar bears.
Did the bear give you an evil look? You were just defending your family from this wild beast. You can make it all up by sending The Polar Bear Raft Company $200 bucks. (We are not sending you a picture of a polar bear, because you already have a polar bear lying in a pile by your house.)[GLARE] |
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Fantastic![THUMBUP][LOL][THUMBUP]
Now if we could only petition the volcanoes to stop erupting and spewing sulpheric acid into the atmostphere! Twas a massive eruption that created a global drought 350,000,000, years ago where nearly all species on earth went extinct! Can you imagine that? Global warming happening by forces other than human? Great post![THUMBUP] |