Visitors
My Beard is an Aphrodisiac
"BAD TO THE BEARD"
I was talking the other day to Jake, one of my old buds, over a couple of chilled cans of banana flavored Ensure. He asked if I had as many problems, as he did, when it came to women who were afflicted with a beard fetish. I told him it was more of a curse than a problem in that most women assume that only Greek gods are adorned with robust beards and as they say….the fuller the beard….the mightier the.....whatever. Anyway....I told him that once, a few years ago, when I played Santa at an elementary school for their holiday party, that when all the young moms stood in line with their squirming offspring, I could see the hunger in those women’s eyes for old Santa and his mighty bag of surprises. They stared at me like I was a ‘Blue Light’ special in the meat department at Winn Dixie! The memory still haunts me and I have nightmares about being chased by a gaggle of female shoppers wearing thongs and waving meat tenderizers…..excuseme….sorry….I needamoment…..
Seems that Psychiatrists have a name for it; Rub-da-fuzz-syndrome. Many believe the only reason Castro is still in power is because he’s protected and endeared by over a million devoted beard fetished senoritas. Gives you a chill. Often, when I go out in public without a proper disguise, some women will notice the beard and right away they will walk up to me and ask about my parents?? ‘Who’s ya daddy?’ or whisper ’Hello sugar daddy’. Sometimes they will simply blurt out “Yo mama!” What my parents have to do with all this is strange in that neither had a beard, except for my aunt Cel that lives in Canada.
Jake related a few chin whisker chapters of his early life while playing in a rock band, but I refrain from reporting these episodes as both P.E.T.A. and the Association for the Protection of Indigenous Peoples would most definitely make issue. He, like me, has endured the traumatic ordeals of being cursed with an aphrodisiacal growth of face fur and the effects it has had on the passion challenged females we have encountered. Sad stories all.
After a lot of head nodding and beard stroking, we both concluded that to be face naked was not an option and the continuation of our plight was a forbearance we were emotionally shackled to. I must say, though, that sometimes when I stick out my chin a certain way….Wifey gets all girlish and overcome with the vapors. It is a power I must always keep in check.
Email
Print Article
Favorites
Report Abuse
User Comments
 |
My beard's serious though. |
 |
My ex had a beard and I loved it. As long as a beard is soft and not scratchy, its ok. And men tend to look more distinguished with it (ex: the most interesting man in the world ads ) BUT they have to be clean and groomed otherwise to me they just look like hillbillys and turn me off. My bf doesnt have one and honestly I dont even miss it as long as he shaves and isnt scratchy. So I guess it depends on the woman and the beard lol |
 |
I can't stop laughing at the chilled cans of banana flavored Ensure. Then, I lost it at aunt Cel in Canada! |
|
The truth had to be told! |
 |
very funny great write! LOL I love beards |
 |
Very funny! |
 |
My ex had a beard. One day without warning he shaved it off and omg he looked horrid lol |
|
I have had short beards, long beards, Van Dykes, no beard---it's me who is the aphrodesiac (if you belive that I have some swamp land for sale!) |
 |
lol .... very well written !!! lol
Thanks |
|
My thanks |
 |
Some one told me once, I had a beard like yours and saw how it looked and shaved it off. I told him, I had a face that looked like yours till I seen how it looked. So I grew this beard to cover it up! |
|
Very wise man |
 |
No more a fetish then men oggling breasts! At least a beard can be kept trimmed and neat, once gravity takes over the boobage area ..it's all over! |
|
Life can be full of curses sometimes. |
 |
Sorry hope you don't mind I had to peek in...and then comment...Bravo... loved your blog it was funny.. |
 |
My hubby will grow a beard and it is a more distinguished look for him. However it's graying now and he can't seem to be happy looking in the mirror to that. Fun post, good job. |
 |
:) |
 |
Where's my tiny violin... |
 |
The normal state of an adult man is bearded. |
 |
Still laughing.....are you and my husband related somewhere along the line? |
 |
You're a headcase. I think we are gonna be good pals. |
 |
It's macho and erotic. You can hide things in there. It gives you something to play with and it is what separates the men from the women. Naked men faces reminds me of being with another woman and I don't want any part of that. |
|
My first husband had I beard but I got over it LOL great post. |
 |
Curious. I'm more of a looker than a jumper when it comes to guys, but a friend of mine admitted that beards very definitely put her off. Meanwhile in the weird and wonderful world of steampunk, Men With Beards are very definitely it. |
|
banana flavored Ensure.....lol......I guess you're our daddy....... |
 |
As a man with a beard for the nearly the whole of my life, I can attest that this article is in fact true and factual...BEARDS ROCK! |
lmao
......great blog, you are so funny!